Feeling like a fraud

I attended my first Guild of Health Writers event last night. I'd only joined a few months ago and wondered what the Health Writer's Awards would entail.

Rather than being stuffy and formal (though the venue was amazing), it was fun and inspirational.

But I was surprised by how many people I met who all confessed to feeling a bit like a fraud. Even people who write regularly for well respected titles.

Is there an area of your life where you feel a bit out of your depth? Would confessing to others in similar situations help you feel better about it? (Don't do it if they're likely to look at you blankly leaving you feeling worse than ever).

Would learning more about the subject / area you struggle with help you boost your confidence?

Remembering that it's perfectly normal to feel out of your depth - especially when you're doing some kind of growing - can help ease some of that anxiety enabling you to really go for it.

Practicing tolerance

"Everybody is right from their own stand point ... hence the need for tolerance." - www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk

I've been having an imaginary conversation in my head all day, trying to avoid an argument but getting quite riled up as I anticipate this person's actions.

My predictions are based on previous examples so my anxiety about an argument isn't coming from nowhere.

But this little message has made me rethink things. I've gone over (in my imaginary argument with them) my perception of why they do the thing that is causing me problems but even in my head, it sounds judgmental.

So I'm going to attempt to take this advice to heart and:

1) Not jump in anticipating an argument
2) If they do the thing I think they'll do, I'll take a deep breath
3) Then, rather than getting defensive and walking away (I rarely actually argue - just in my head :)), I'll ask them questions to see if I can understand what on earth they're going on about, I mean, to find out how we can reach a compromise where everyone feels heard and valued.

Am quite tired just thinking about it but the anxiety I've been holding in my chest all day has suddenly lifted.

They may even surprise me by considering my perspective without the need for all this!!

How might exercising your tolerance muscles help you in your life?

The confidence to speak out

The founder of V-Day (a movement to end violence against women and girls) has been speaking out for people who don't have a voice for years.

I was fortunate enough to meet her a few years ago and she's one of my all time heros. To have survived so much and then to help so many people...

Here's her piece on the betrayal she felt by directors' etc. support of Roman Polanski's behaviour:

www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/does-the-brotherhood-of-f_b_305581.html

Personally, I adore David Lynch and Pedro Almadovar but can't believe that anyone would OK the rape of a 13 year old girl because it happened ages ago and he's had a tough life.

Equally, I can't believe how many interviews I read at the height of ER star Noah Wyle's fame which acted as if the fact that he'd lost his virginity to an 18 year old when HE was 13 was something cool.

Boy or girl, 13 is childhood.

I'd love to live in a world where children have the confidence to feel that their voices matter, too. That they can safely say NO to anything that makes them feel remotely uncomfortable and that no one has to give into abuse.

I know it's NOT that world, but part of me feels confident that, by getting predators the help they need (not putting them in places where we know old abuse will be compounded by new) and by keeping children safe or at least letting them know that it wasn't their fault, we can slowly get there.

Being Erica - Would you want to revisit past regrets?

Since hearing about E4's new Canadian drama, Being Erica, I wanted to see it. As a coach and psychotherapy student, I think the idea of listing regrets and being transported back in time so you can have a second chance is a great premise for a TV show.

But as a human, the idea terrifies me. I barely got through my regretful situations the first time. What if things were even worse when reliving them?

Erica's regrets aren't traumas but they're entertainingly cringeworthy to watch from behind a cushion. And so far, although she's spent years haunted by the wish she'd done certain things differently, she seems to be learning that the choices she made were actually right for her.

But it's the "therapist" (magician?) who seems to have the most fun.

He demands complete committment to change, has the ability to move his office around like one of the lands at the top of The Magic Faraway Tree (it pops up all over the place) and doesn't seem to need to earn a living.

Thinking about your own life, are you hung up on certain regrets?

Imagine you could go back and relive certain episodes from your own life? What would you want to do differently?

With that knowledge, how can you approach your life today differently without having to revisit the actual scene?

Shedding leaves, letting go and moving on

When you're feeling impatient and stuck, one of the quickest ways to get yourself out of it is to let go of everything that's holding you back.

Have you got clothes that no longer fit well or suit you? Donate them and enjoy having extra space in your closet (it'll make it much easier to get dressed each morning).

Apparently, in Japan, people leave spaces everywhere - on bookshelves, in closets... after all, if there's no space, things can't flow well and we can get stagnant.

Personally, I'd love to fast forward through the shedding off old skin / leaves phase and be in the sparkly new one.

But I know that, uncomfortable as it may feel at the time, having a good clear out (not just of clothes but habits and patterns of behaviour that no longer work) is a great way to celebrate the end of summer and make room for a great Autumn.

What are you ready to release?

How can you be gentle with yourself as you let go of things that you've perhaps been holding onto for too long?

What will you do to treat yourself when you've made some space in your life?

5 years! Celebrating all mile stones

It was my fifth Business Birthday yesterday but because I've been on Jury Service this week, I started celebrating last week (I make my actual birthday celebrations last at least two weeks).

My business has changed a lot in the past five years but I've learned from every step (and each mistake).

Too often, we hurtle through life without stopping to take stock.

Whether you have a personal mile stone coming up or just a few moments to think about your achievements, take some time to give yourself a pat on the back.

By taking an overview, you'll notice patterns which can help you make better decisions as you move into the future. These are often harder to spot when we're in the thick of things.

Whatever you've accomplished, take some time to celebrate and think Yay You!!!

Cheating hearts - humiliate or simply pack up and leave

One of the things we talked about on Saturday's show (www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/mainframe.shtml?http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/essex.shtml - choose Sadie's show, noon to 2pm) was a man who begged for forgiveness after his infedility was discovered.

His partner agreed to forgive him only if he... well - www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1209451/Cheating-husband-wear-I-cheated-sign-wife.html

I'm all for honesty (and don't understand why so many men and women find it easier to lie than simply tell their partners whatever the truth may be) but not for humiliation.

I find it hard to believe that this man, shamed and humiliated, will be thinking loving thoughts towards his wife.

Why not just leave? Don't they need to address the issues that led to the affair in the first place?

What do you think?