What's next? Botox for babies?

I'm so bored of all the ads I see daily featuring beautiful women apparently moaning about invisble (airbrushed out) wrinkles.

Life's short. Why waste so much of it worrying about things that, in the grand scheme of things, really don't matter?

Part of me would love to see an baby in a similar ad. If we saw a beautiful baby bemoaning her or his wrinkly skin / baby fat, we'd recognise it as ludicrous. Maybe we'd even stop being so hard on ourselves...

Yet we seem to believe that these adult models (many of them accomplished actors) have nothing better to do than long for younger looking skin?

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.

Could your insecurity be ruining things for you?

I logged on happily this morning and was mortified to see that I'd let someone down yesterday. We'd arranged to meet up and I had it down for next week and she had it down for yesterday.

I phoned immediately to explain and apologise but it got me thinking. Because she emailed a friendly, concerned message over, I was made aware immediately and able to sort things out.

Other, less secure people (and I'd have done the same until relatively recently!!) might have thought "S/he hates me. Fine. Never mind."

Even though I'm disappointed to have missed out yesterday afternoon, I know we'll meet again another time.

A more extreme example of this (albeit from Home & Away) was a guy who thought he'd been jilted on his wedding day. His response was to turn off his mobile and leave town to drown his sorrows. When he found out that his bride had actually been held hostage (and thoughts of her beloved had helped her through the ordeal - not quite sure how he did find out as he'd been uncontactable, but hey, that's the beauty of Home & Away), he came back. Now she's feeling hurt and betrayed because he'd immediately hooked up with another woman.

Are you the kind of person who generally feels ok about yourself?

Who, if someone lets you down, feels able to call them to find out what happened?

Or do you expect to be let down at some level so retreat emotionally whenever you feel this is happening?

Who would you prefer to be friends with? Someone so needy that they need endless reassurance or someone who knows they're OK (fab, even) and figure that other people know that too?

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.

How do other people see you?

I was surprised and flattered when a fairly new friend told me that I'm calm. A lot of the time, I feel very shaky but I've learned to cover it up as I've got older. And I no longer let feeling wobbly stop me doing anything.

Naturally, I pointed out how I don't feel calm a lot of the time and how I often have to psych myself up to do things.

Still, it was a lovely ego boost.

Is there a quality you work hard at projecting? Maybe (like, me, apparently), while you've been faking it, you've actually started to make it!!

Ask someone you know and trust how you come across in certain situations and you'll probably be happily surprised. Most of us judge ourselves far more harshly than we do strangers and friends.

Start seeing yourself through others' more gentle eyes more and it will become easier to grow into the kind of person you want to be.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.

Ever had a day when everything feels like too much effort?

If you can give yourself a break, do. You might feel like "Oh, but I need to finish..." but sometimes, a short break can be all you need to re-energise you.

Go for a short walk or have a stretch.

Taking yourself away from whatever you're struggling with, think about what you're resisting. Are you trying to do too much? How can you break it down into smaller chunks? Are there other things you need to do that feel more appealing? Swap tasks and give yourself a boost by ticking something else off your list.

Think of a reward for when you've finished it. Maybe a biscuit or phoning a friend or even watching your favourite programme. Promise yourself that it will be worth it and use a combination of carrot and stick approaches to get yourself through the apathy...

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.

Stop being so apologetic

Have you noticed how the people who really should apologise for their behaviour never do? I'm not suggesting you start trampling over people to get what you want but do stop apologising for nothing.

Respect yourself.

If it feels too difficult, replace the automatic "Sorry" with a "Thank you" - this works well if you're apologising to lots of people getting up to let you through at the cinema / theatre / rugby.

When I you most apology-prone?

What phrases can you start using instead of sorry in the future? Practice at home alone so it's more natural.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.

Photoshoot coverups

Most of us know that most photos we see are retouched but I had no idea how intensive this process was until I watched Alesha Dixon's programme the other day.

I'd not heard of her before and admit that I thought it was a publicity stunt to land a cover she'd not normally get. But the programme was great. She was open and honest about her mixed feelings.

I knew that these images affect girls' (and grown women's) self esteem (http://www.articlesbyevemenezescunningham.co.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/naturalhealthgrowingpains.pdf) but watching those media savvy teens' little faces falls as they realised the extent was even sadder than hearing the small children criticise their adorable little selves.

Ms Dixon took part in a poll where voters chose the digitally enhanced photos and she said "It's a good thing I have inner confidence!"

Still, she took off her makeup on camera (revealing that underneath the makeup, she's still stunning). And with the untouched cover, the picture editors still highlighted all the flaws they saw even though they weren't going to hide them.

What chance do women have when it seems that everyone from photographers and the photo subjects, picture editors, columnists and readers take delight in highlighting other women's imperfections?

I was reminded of Charlize Theron's comments about being considered "brave" for going against the pretty role route expected of her and it does seem odd that in 2008, while men are admired for all sorts of activities, going without makeup is heroic for women.

I prefer Elizabeth Wurtzel's encouragement to be glad that as mere mortals (as opposed to fashion models), we get to be seen in 3D. We are generally viewed in real life so laugh/sing/have fun!

Don't wait for permission to feel good about the way you look. As Ms Wurtzel says, "I myself believe that I am about ten times prettier than I actually am. By dint of sheer will power, I have managed to convince many people of this."

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.

Quick experiment / excuse to eat chocolate

If you're not already convinced that you're more likely to achieve your goals when you're feeling good about yourself and confident in your ability to do so, try this quick experiment.

1) Fill a small bowl with Minstrels / Peanut M&Ms / Malteasers or any other chocolates that are similarly sized (raisins just don't seem to work so well).

2) Throw them into the air, one at a time and catch them in your mouth.

Observe your thoughts as you do this. As well as "Mmm, this is delicious!" you'll quickly notice that when you anticipate failure, you miss your mouth. It's as if your body knows the second you doubt yourself and then proves you right.

Even if you think you fully intend to catch it, there'll be times when you miss and you'll know that you sabotaged yourself (not throwing high enough, moving away at the last minute etc.)

As you build up confidence in the chocolate catching arena, think about things in your daily life that you're maybe not being confident enough about.

What would you do differently if you knew that there was no way you could fail?

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.

"I haven't done any of the things I meant to do today"

Have you ever had one of those days when instead of checking things off your To Do list, you find yourself spending hours on something completely different?

If it happens a lot, think about reprioritising your time so you get the important things done instead of wasting time with things that, ultimately, don't make a difference.

But if it's occasional, just give yourself a break. Cross off all the items unchecked and reschedule them for tomorrow or over the coming few days.

Then make a whole new list to honour all the things you did accomplish when you'd come off course a bit.

By reminding yourself that you weren't wasting the time, you'll feel much better and able to either take a break or focus on what you consider to be the most important items.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.