Before making any decision, make sure it’s right for you.
Take a few deep breaths and centre yourself.
Is your first reaction to grin and feel excited? Or is it a sinking feeling that fills you with dread?
As often as possible, make decisions based on that good feeling and you won’t go wrong.
This works for work, relationships, family, health, getting fit and even shopping.
Get into the habit of taking some deep breaths a few times a day and just asking yourself, “How do I feel right now?” for clues about what you’re already doing.
It's the simplest thing you can do to get yourself on the right path for you. Trust your gut and tune in regularly.
Happy New Year!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Wednesday 31 December 2008
Tuesday 30 December 2008
What's in a name?
I'm ridiculously pleased that my name is suddenly popular. According to the Guardian Top 100, (http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2008/dec/29/baby-names-list) Eve is #68 (Evie's #12!). I know it's silly to be so happy, but all through school, I was the only Eve (I think there was another a few years younger but don't remember properly). The only Eves I knew of were, well, the one who got blamed for absolutely everything (Adam always seemed to get off lightly - it wasn't his fault, he was tempted...).
Eve Ensler (http://www.vday.org) was the first "Eve" role model I had (a fantastic role model for anyone, I think) and by my 20s, I started growing into my name.
Is your name on this year's list?
Do you wish there were more people to share it with or do you wish you had a more unusual name? (The grass often seems greener.)
As we enter 2009, think about not just your name but who you are becoming. What do you want people to think of when they hear your name? (We all judge names by people we've known who've had them.)
How can you become more like the person you want to be? How can you become more yourself?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Eve Ensler (http://www.vday.org) was the first "Eve" role model I had (a fantastic role model for anyone, I think) and by my 20s, I started growing into my name.
Is your name on this year's list?
Do you wish there were more people to share it with or do you wish you had a more unusual name? (The grass often seems greener.)
As we enter 2009, think about not just your name but who you are becoming. What do you want people to think of when they hear your name? (We all judge names by people we've known who've had them.)
How can you become more like the person you want to be? How can you become more yourself?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Wednesday 24 December 2008
Whatever happens tomorrow, remember that everyone's doing their best
While Christmas can be wonderful (and I hope it will be for all of you), holidays can feel quite stressful.
If you find yourself biting your tongue or feel like screaming, take a moment to remind yourself that everyone is doing their best. (That includes the person who's offered you seconds repeatedly in spite of your saying "No, thank you but it was delicious", the person who hasn't let anyone else get a word in edgewise inspite of pained looks all around, the "joky" person who doesn't seem to realise how offensive he or she is being and so on...)
It's easy to feel frustrated and grouchy. Maybe you feel that the effort you've put into making Christmas wonderful for everyone isn't being appreciated. Or maybe you think everyone's making a big fuss over nothing.
Whatever your complaints, take a deep breath and remind yourself: Everyone is doing their best.
We only really know what's going on for ourselves. That jokey person may be desperately trying to put a smile on in spite of health or money worries. The person who keeps rejecting your food may have been told that if he or she doesn't reduce their cholesterol, 2009 will be filled with ill health. Do your best to not take other people's actions personally and remind yourself that we're all doing our best at any given moment. In other moments, that best can be better and others even worse, but cut everyone - and yourself - a little slack.
Just by keeping this in mind, you'll find the day much more enjoyable.
Wishing you all a fantastic Christmas and New Year!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
If you find yourself biting your tongue or feel like screaming, take a moment to remind yourself that everyone is doing their best. (That includes the person who's offered you seconds repeatedly in spite of your saying "No, thank you but it was delicious", the person who hasn't let anyone else get a word in edgewise inspite of pained looks all around, the "joky" person who doesn't seem to realise how offensive he or she is being and so on...)
It's easy to feel frustrated and grouchy. Maybe you feel that the effort you've put into making Christmas wonderful for everyone isn't being appreciated. Or maybe you think everyone's making a big fuss over nothing.
Whatever your complaints, take a deep breath and remind yourself: Everyone is doing their best.
We only really know what's going on for ourselves. That jokey person may be desperately trying to put a smile on in spite of health or money worries. The person who keeps rejecting your food may have been told that if he or she doesn't reduce their cholesterol, 2009 will be filled with ill health. Do your best to not take other people's actions personally and remind yourself that we're all doing our best at any given moment. In other moments, that best can be better and others even worse, but cut everyone - and yourself - a little slack.
Just by keeping this in mind, you'll find the day much more enjoyable.
Wishing you all a fantastic Christmas and New Year!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Monday 22 December 2008
"Feel good" films - watch what you watch
I watched Honey again this weekend and was pleased that it lived up to my memory of it as a delightfully uplifting film. The TV guide had only given it two stars but we're often at odds over film choices. This was about a choreographer's dreams for herself and her community.
Looking through the bumper issue, there are loads of delightful films and programmes coming up. And while I love certain murder and mayhem programmes (the CSIs, Without a Trace, Law & Order SVU, Bones, Medium... I'm sure I'll kick myself later for forgetting other favourites), it's good to have some life affirming fare mixed in, too.
As you plot your viewing, reading and listening for the holidays, ask yourself "Is this going to make me feel better about myself? Will it inspire me?"
Sometimes, you won't want to be uplifted. Just remind yourself that you have a choice - you can even switch off that mind-numbingly frustrating show and enjoy some peace and quiet.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Looking through the bumper issue, there are loads of delightful films and programmes coming up. And while I love certain murder and mayhem programmes (the CSIs, Without a Trace, Law & Order SVU, Bones, Medium... I'm sure I'll kick myself later for forgetting other favourites), it's good to have some life affirming fare mixed in, too.
As you plot your viewing, reading and listening for the holidays, ask yourself "Is this going to make me feel better about myself? Will it inspire me?"
Sometimes, you won't want to be uplifted. Just remind yourself that you have a choice - you can even switch off that mind-numbingly frustrating show and enjoy some peace and quiet.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Thursday 18 December 2008
The horror of changing rooms
I used to regularly buy clothes without trying them on but, while I still hate changing rooms, have learned to live with it.
Yesterday, between meetings in London, I figured I'd take advantage of all the extended sales the news keeps reporting. My arms ached from all the dresses I was taking into the changing rooms (I only wanted one, but figured I'd try on lots).
And it was incredibly depressing.
Even though I spend most of my working hours focused on wellbeing and confidence (between my coaching practice and freelance writing), I was feeling very sorry for myself.
Nothing looked right. It all felt uncomfortable. And my head was filled with images of airbrushed models who'd have somehow transformed them into the most beautiful dresses ever.
Later on, I popped into a much smaller branch and found the perfect dress without trying it on. Fortunately, it fits but I also realise that all the terrible attempts earlier in the day gave me a better idea of my body shape (from all imaginable angles).
Moral of the story? I could do all my shopping online and order two sizes sending the least flattering ones back (but the idea of lugging rejects all the way to the Post Office since my local one's closed...)
Or I could recreate the feeling I had when I walked into the smaller store and made the successful purchase. It wasn't crowded so I didn't feel headachy and disoriented from the minute I walked in. And I was feeling good after a really enjoyable meeting.
Some women (apparently) love shopping. I doubt I'll ever be one of them but am very pleased with my new dress...
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Yesterday, between meetings in London, I figured I'd take advantage of all the extended sales the news keeps reporting. My arms ached from all the dresses I was taking into the changing rooms (I only wanted one, but figured I'd try on lots).
And it was incredibly depressing.
Even though I spend most of my working hours focused on wellbeing and confidence (between my coaching practice and freelance writing), I was feeling very sorry for myself.
Nothing looked right. It all felt uncomfortable. And my head was filled with images of airbrushed models who'd have somehow transformed them into the most beautiful dresses ever.
Later on, I popped into a much smaller branch and found the perfect dress without trying it on. Fortunately, it fits but I also realise that all the terrible attempts earlier in the day gave me a better idea of my body shape (from all imaginable angles).
Moral of the story? I could do all my shopping online and order two sizes sending the least flattering ones back (but the idea of lugging rejects all the way to the Post Office since my local one's closed...)
Or I could recreate the feeling I had when I walked into the smaller store and made the successful purchase. It wasn't crowded so I didn't feel headachy and disoriented from the minute I walked in. And I was feeling good after a really enjoyable meeting.
Some women (apparently) love shopping. I doubt I'll ever be one of them but am very pleased with my new dress...
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Monday 15 December 2008
Everyone's talking - must be about me
The final episode of Brothers & Sisters (S2) made me laugh. Both Saul and Kevin walked into a tense looking room and automatically assumed that everyone was talking about them.
Have you ever done that? Blurted out something that was still safely a secret because it was so prominent in your mind you assumed everyone else knew?
With party season in full swing, walking into crowded rooms where everyone's talking is pretty normal. What will help you feel more relaxed?
. when you arrive, assess the situation. Don't immediately feel you have to contribute to a conversation you've not been part of. Listen until you feel caught up then take it from there.
. if you're really nervous, think about meeting a friend (or even stranger) beforehand. I've done this a few times this year with work events and it's made a huge difference to my enjoyment of the parties. I always spoke to people when I arrived alone but, by arriving with others, I was able to invite people who looked like they were on their own to join us.
. wear something you feel comfortable in. Will your party outfit see you through the whole night (from walking to stations / being stuck in traffic on icy roads / dancing / standing up for hours...)?
. Pick and choose the invites you accept. Go to the ones you feel good about. Not sure? Pick up that invitation again / open the email and check in with yourself. Does your heart sink or excitement bubble?
Have fun!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Have you ever done that? Blurted out something that was still safely a secret because it was so prominent in your mind you assumed everyone else knew?
With party season in full swing, walking into crowded rooms where everyone's talking is pretty normal. What will help you feel more relaxed?
. when you arrive, assess the situation. Don't immediately feel you have to contribute to a conversation you've not been part of. Listen until you feel caught up then take it from there.
. if you're really nervous, think about meeting a friend (or even stranger) beforehand. I've done this a few times this year with work events and it's made a huge difference to my enjoyment of the parties. I always spoke to people when I arrived alone but, by arriving with others, I was able to invite people who looked like they were on their own to join us.
. wear something you feel comfortable in. Will your party outfit see you through the whole night (from walking to stations / being stuck in traffic on icy roads / dancing / standing up for hours...)?
. Pick and choose the invites you accept. Go to the ones you feel good about. Not sure? Pick up that invitation again / open the email and check in with yourself. Does your heart sink or excitement bubble?
Have fun!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Thursday 11 December 2008
What's the biggest energy drain in your life right now?
According to the results of my recent poll, 23% dislike saying "no", 11% don't prioritise getting enough rest / me time / exercise / good food, 8% blame negative people, 44% procrastinate and a mere 6% have all the energy they need.
I think that's fantastic for the energetic 6% but suspect that most of us find life draining occassionally. And, at this time of year, it can feel even worse.
Long queues at the Post Office trying to mail parcels, rushing to meet many work deadlines before people wind down for the bank holidays, trying to keep presents hidden from curious children...
But once you've identified your biggest energy drain, you can plan around it. Make your daily run / swim / yoga practice / walk / meditation a priority. Ensure that nutritious food is more accessible than junk food that leaves you feeling worse afterwards. If you can't sleep in, go to bed earlier or squeeze in an afternoon nap. Do something purely for yourself at least once a day.
If negative people are getting you down, change your response to them (I know, I know - it sounds so easy but it can be soooo infuriating!). Practice. Laugh off their grumpiness as you might with a small toddler tantruming. Don't let it attack your wellbeing.
If you're procrastinating, ask yourself why. Presumably, there are some things that always get done on time (feeding yourself / your family / your pets? Certain deadlines?) - what do they have in common? Is it because that particular boss / child / pet is so demanding?
How can you prioritise your own goals?
Rethink your energy drains and let them guide you into new, better habits.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Tuesday 9 December 2008
Does it feel safe to be you?
As the old saying goes, "What other people think of me is none of my business!"
But sometimes I struggle to walk the walk with my confidence coaching. I don't always feel confident but I've learned how to help myself feel better when needed.
Lately, I've been in a number of positions where I've needed to trust that it's OK to be me and that my thoughts, feelings and opinions are safe to share. I've been a regular panelist on BBC Essex's Loud Women for over a year now and am definitely becoming more opinionated as a result (to hear Saturday's show, you can use the link on http://www.applecoaching.com/).
I've also found myself writing more personal features as well as my regular journalism (http://www.articlesbyevemenezescunningham.co.uk/). Even though my Session Summaries and Action Plans are about my clients, I've noticed that they've become much more direct over the years I've been coaching. This blog and my newsletter have become more personal, too.
While some people unsubscribe (sob), most of the feedback I get is positive and encouraging. These are the subscribers I keep in mind when writing future pieces.
Do you ever feel that it's not safe to be yourself? Maybe you're completely yourself at work but censor yourself around your partner's friends? Or perhaps visiting your family immediately takes you back to a time when you felt you couldn't talk to anyone?
By becoming aware of the people you feel safest around (even when you're disagreeing, you know that your essence is loved and accepted), you'll be better able to recreate this feeling in all areas of your life.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
But sometimes I struggle to walk the walk with my confidence coaching. I don't always feel confident but I've learned how to help myself feel better when needed.
Lately, I've been in a number of positions where I've needed to trust that it's OK to be me and that my thoughts, feelings and opinions are safe to share. I've been a regular panelist on BBC Essex's Loud Women for over a year now and am definitely becoming more opinionated as a result (to hear Saturday's show, you can use the link on http://www.applecoaching.com/).
I've also found myself writing more personal features as well as my regular journalism (http://www.articlesbyevemenezescunningham.co.uk/). Even though my Session Summaries and Action Plans are about my clients, I've noticed that they've become much more direct over the years I've been coaching. This blog and my newsletter have become more personal, too.
While some people unsubscribe (sob), most of the feedback I get is positive and encouraging. These are the subscribers I keep in mind when writing future pieces.
Do you ever feel that it's not safe to be yourself? Maybe you're completely yourself at work but censor yourself around your partner's friends? Or perhaps visiting your family immediately takes you back to a time when you felt you couldn't talk to anyone?
By becoming aware of the people you feel safest around (even when you're disagreeing, you know that your essence is loved and accepted), you'll be better able to recreate this feeling in all areas of your life.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Friday 5 December 2008
Gentle pushes
Have you ever pushed yourself so far out of your comfort zone that you've scuttled back in and stayed stuck for ages?
Think about something you want to accomplish. It might be to do with work, a relationship, a long held (but potentially buried) dream...?
How can you break it down into steps so manageable you'll want to get started right away? Say, for example, your goal was to start a successful new business, initial steps might include:
Think about something you want to accomplish. It might be to do with work, a relationship, a long held (but potentially buried) dream...?
How can you break it down into steps so manageable you'll want to get started right away? Say, for example, your goal was to start a successful new business, initial steps might include:
- getting in touch with your local business link to find out about available resources
- finding out about similar businesses in your area
- figuring out what would make your product or service different and better
- perfecting your product or service with practice / extra training etc.
- reading about business and your chosen industry
Depending on how long you've been thinking about your own dream, you'll be at different stages. For some people, choosing a business related book from their local library and checking it out might feel quite daunting as they'd not dared admit, even to themselves, that this is something that they want to do.
For others, they might leap straight in with market research and business plans.
Know yourself and work with, rather than against, your personalility. For long term progress, you're much better off taking small, regular steps in the right direction that leaping too far too fast and scaring yourself back into old habits.
Whether your goal is to launch a business, write a book, start dating again or lose weight, break it down, take it slow and be kind to yourself.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Wednesday 3 December 2008
If only life could be a dvd
I'm terrible with suspense. If I'm waiting to hear about something important to me, I've learned to get on with other things and stay active but each time I think about the incoming verdict, wish I could fast forward.
I guess it started when I was little and couldn't handle the Nancy Drew cliffhangers. Even though I might be on book 13 out of hundreds, I'd worry she was going to die so would always flip forward to check that she was alive and well at the end. I still read enough of the end of books (not whole paragraphs but checking for certain names etc.) to reassure me as I progress. This makes more sense with the suspense filled Kathy Reichs, Sue Grafton, Janet Evanovich and Sara Paretsky but I do it with biographies, too. Autobiographies are a bit easier (they lived to tell the tale) but...
And when they finish a TV series with a cliffhanger, I regularly check online for episode guides (US sites normally have them up in advance) to check who's still alive and OK. "Spoiler alerts", they call them yet they enable me to enjoy what's coming without too much concern for all the fictional characters.
I'm an extreme case but can you think of areas in your life where suspense spoils things for you? How can you learn to enjoy it more? OK, if not enjoy it, manage it?
What else could you do so you're not waiting by the phone / letterbox / email?
Are there certain programmes and films you can watch with ease while others are too tense with suspense?
Think about the things that make you feel most anxious. What message might these storylines have for your own life?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
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