I’ve been watching Bones Season 2 on DVD. As well as really enjoying the general drama of it, I love the confidence the characters have. The other scientists are known as “squints” but they know that the work they do is important so don’t care.
“Bones” herself is Dr Temperence Brennan, a forensic anthropologist. The nicknames seem to help the FBI guy handle his scientific ignorance better. And he’s completely confident in his FBI skills so doesn’t have an inferiority complex about it all.
At one point, Tempe’s boyfriend wants her to drop everything to sail around with him on his impulse buy sailboat. There is shock and horror all around when she declines. Why would she want to give up sailing off into the sunset to study bones? (Maybe it's because she likes to bring peace to the families of victims when she’s trained her whole life to develop such expertise!) Luckily, she has enough confidence in herself to know that her work is there.
Another character who doesn’t give into peer pressure is Angela. She’s part artist, part scientist and often feels add odds with all the death they’re dealing with. But rather than conform to majority rule and harden herself, she instead tells the rest of the team that they need to develop more “whimsy.”
Is there a situation in your life where you might be paying too much attention to someone else’s opinions? At work? In a relationship? About a new hairstyle or outfit?
How would it feel to be certain that what you’re doing in that situation is worthwhile? That you don’t need anyone else’s approval? That you know deep in your bones that you’re doing the right thing for you right now?
Does this experiment make you more confident about your decision? It might even make you feel better about someone else’s perspective (if you have to try really hard to fake confidence, you may realise that it’s not the best decision for you right now).
Take the time to get a sense of what feeling confident to the bone would be like.
Learn to trust yourself more and more each day by checking in with yourself about all sorts of things and your confidence will soar.
For FREE confidence tips and advice straight to your inbox, please visit www.applecoaching.com
Friday 28 March 2008
Wednesday 19 March 2008
Public humilation
I've done quite a bit of radio now and enjoy the fact that I usually relax so much, I forget it's being broadcast live. Recently, I've filmed a few television programmes, offering coaching advice, for a new satellite channel. When I was asked to take part in a more political show, I said "Of course! Thanks for thinking of me" and looked forward to discussing various headlines.
But when I got there and read the stories, I realised they were a far cry from my usual type. The other panelists were from the Free Tibet Campaign and Channel 4. I was introduced as a freelance journalist (I specialise in wellbeing and personal development).
A couple of the stories felt like things I could comment quite sensibly on. And two, I was utterly clueless about. Even after rereading them, I just didn't get it. The presenter's introduction to "in depth analysis" made me realise that perhaps I wasn't in the right place at the right time.
It went out live. As I watched it on the internet yesterday (sadly after I'd sent my newsletter out with a link to it), I realised that I hadn't been imagining the mortification. I was just about OK for the first three stories (although I did look, as my own mother said through absolute gales of laughter, as if I might have just wandered into the studio off the street).
And the final story I was asked to comment on was the one I was completely ignorant about. Re the Bear Stearns bank crisis, I tried to integrate what the other panelists had and admitted that I didn't really understand why it's a problem if a bank gets bailed out. Like Virgin buying Northern Rock here. Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!
My mother said she saw the panelist next to me desperately try to stifle his own laughter and started howling at the hilarity again. When the presenter started talking about the final story (Obama), I thought "Phew! I know lots about this one, I can redeem myself" but then they ran out of time....
After picking myself up off the floor where I was cringing and laughing at the same time, I figured, all I can do is learn from it.
When was the last time you had a mortifying experience? What did you do?
I've learned that:
1) I need to be better prepared next time (if there is a next time!) and I need to tell the presenter which stories I have the most to say about. This way, rather than feeling like a kid being quizzed on a subject she doesn't take in a higher set, I'll be better able to steer things in a more sensible direction.
2) I should have spoken up during the last story and put my point of view across instead of waiting to be asked to speak.
3) It's better to laugh about it than to cry. There's nothing I can do to go back in time to fix it, so it's just about figuring out what to do differently next time.
In the past, I'd have been paralysed. I'd have simply thought "No more TV or even leaving the house or picking up the telephone. Way too many opportunities for humiliation!"
Now I know it's not the end of the world but there are lots of things I can do to do better in the future. By focusing on what I want to happen (poise and elegance would be fantastic!), I can let go off the past and move on.
(Doh! Doh! Doh!!!)
Whether you've embarrassed yourself or you just wish you had more confidence, please visit http://www.applecoaching.com/ for free confidence and self esteem boosting tips and ideas.
But when I got there and read the stories, I realised they were a far cry from my usual type. The other panelists were from the Free Tibet Campaign and Channel 4. I was introduced as a freelance journalist (I specialise in wellbeing and personal development).
A couple of the stories felt like things I could comment quite sensibly on. And two, I was utterly clueless about. Even after rereading them, I just didn't get it. The presenter's introduction to "in depth analysis" made me realise that perhaps I wasn't in the right place at the right time.
It went out live. As I watched it on the internet yesterday (sadly after I'd sent my newsletter out with a link to it), I realised that I hadn't been imagining the mortification. I was just about OK for the first three stories (although I did look, as my own mother said through absolute gales of laughter, as if I might have just wandered into the studio off the street).
And the final story I was asked to comment on was the one I was completely ignorant about. Re the Bear Stearns bank crisis, I tried to integrate what the other panelists had and admitted that I didn't really understand why it's a problem if a bank gets bailed out. Like Virgin buying Northern Rock here. Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!
My mother said she saw the panelist next to me desperately try to stifle his own laughter and started howling at the hilarity again. When the presenter started talking about the final story (Obama), I thought "Phew! I know lots about this one, I can redeem myself" but then they ran out of time....
After picking myself up off the floor where I was cringing and laughing at the same time, I figured, all I can do is learn from it.
When was the last time you had a mortifying experience? What did you do?
I've learned that:
1) I need to be better prepared next time (if there is a next time!) and I need to tell the presenter which stories I have the most to say about. This way, rather than feeling like a kid being quizzed on a subject she doesn't take in a higher set, I'll be better able to steer things in a more sensible direction.
2) I should have spoken up during the last story and put my point of view across instead of waiting to be asked to speak.
3) It's better to laugh about it than to cry. There's nothing I can do to go back in time to fix it, so it's just about figuring out what to do differently next time.
In the past, I'd have been paralysed. I'd have simply thought "No more TV or even leaving the house or picking up the telephone. Way too many opportunities for humiliation!"
Now I know it's not the end of the world but there are lots of things I can do to do better in the future. By focusing on what I want to happen (poise and elegance would be fantastic!), I can let go off the past and move on.
(Doh! Doh! Doh!!!)
Whether you've embarrassed yourself or you just wish you had more confidence, please visit http://www.applecoaching.com/ for free confidence and self esteem boosting tips and ideas.
Friday 14 March 2008
Nancy Drew - doing everything with ease and grace
I recently watched the new Nancy Drew film hoping that it would live up to my expectations from reading all the books as a kid.
In the books, Nancy was about 18 but she's a few years younger in the film. Still at high school, she refuses to dumb down (way ahead of the other girls in track, always raising her hand to answer questions in class and generally being almost annoyingly perfect).
Emma Roberts, Julia's neice, reminded me a little of Natalie Portman. I especially liked the scene where, before falling into Ned's arms because he liked her, she wanted to take a little time to figure out what her own feelings were first.
I don't know where she got this unshakable confidence (at one point, she admits that a prank had "bruised" her feelings a little) as her dad was trying to get her to abandon her gift for "sleuthing". In the books and TV series, she'd helped him on cases.
I know she's a fictional character but watching her resourcefulness helped me tap into my own. Even when the fire department were there to rescue her, she's perfectly able to save herself, but thanks very much anyway.
When things are feeling shaky for you, consider getting a boost from a fictional character like Nancy Drew (it feels incomplete to just write Nancy, somehow).
Others I regularly get inspiration from are Elle Woods (Legally Blonde I and II), Dr Quinn, Jessica Fletcher, Spiderman, Lisa Simpson... and that's ignoring the millions of friends available to help me from my bookshelves. Who always makes you feel better, stronger and more capable?
Don't forget to use yourself as your best role model. When did you last handle a challenging situation yourself? You can draw on those same reserves now.
For more information and confidence tips, please visit www.applecoaching.com
You can read archived blogs from when I was the Wellbeing Network's Self Image Editor here
http://www.wellbeingblog.co.uk/category/self-image/
In the books, Nancy was about 18 but she's a few years younger in the film. Still at high school, she refuses to dumb down (way ahead of the other girls in track, always raising her hand to answer questions in class and generally being almost annoyingly perfect).
Emma Roberts, Julia's neice, reminded me a little of Natalie Portman. I especially liked the scene where, before falling into Ned's arms because he liked her, she wanted to take a little time to figure out what her own feelings were first.
I don't know where she got this unshakable confidence (at one point, she admits that a prank had "bruised" her feelings a little) as her dad was trying to get her to abandon her gift for "sleuthing". In the books and TV series, she'd helped him on cases.
I know she's a fictional character but watching her resourcefulness helped me tap into my own. Even when the fire department were there to rescue her, she's perfectly able to save herself, but thanks very much anyway.
When things are feeling shaky for you, consider getting a boost from a fictional character like Nancy Drew (it feels incomplete to just write Nancy, somehow).
Others I regularly get inspiration from are Elle Woods (Legally Blonde I and II), Dr Quinn, Jessica Fletcher, Spiderman, Lisa Simpson... and that's ignoring the millions of friends available to help me from my bookshelves. Who always makes you feel better, stronger and more capable?
Don't forget to use yourself as your best role model. When did you last handle a challenging situation yourself? You can draw on those same reserves now.
For more information and confidence tips, please visit www.applecoaching.com
You can read archived blogs from when I was the Wellbeing Network's Self Image Editor here
http://www.wellbeingblog.co.uk/category/self-image/
Thursday 6 March 2008
Life's too short to try to look flawless - have fun...
I had a glamorous evening several weeks ago being made up for a Red magazine photo shoot. I’d been part of a feature about mothers and daughters (it's in the April 2008 issue, out now - you can also read it by clicking http://www.articlesbyevemenezescunningham.co.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/redprmothersday.pdf).
I haven’t used a hairdryer for many years (whether my hair is long or short) and they not only blow dried it, but used straighteners, too. While my mother only needed a touch of concealer and a little lipstick, they put foundation, concealer, blusher, eye makeup and lipstick on me.
I look far from perfect but even for that, a lot of work went into the photos. It was a real reminder that the images I see on a daily basis just aren't possible to live up to. Can you imagine someone following you around all day to ensure stray hairs were falling in the right direction?
On film sets, this also happens but I always get so caught up in the story, I completely forget each time and think that everyone looks stunning naturally. Then, when I remember, I think about Olivia Goldsmith's book Flavor of the Month when I realised that film wardrobes include separate jeans for actors to stand up in and sit down in so they're always looking their absolute best. (Can you imagine how dull all that changing must get?!)
Next time you catch yourself thinking that a model or actor looks perfect and there'll never be any hope for you, remind yourself that while they're sure to be naturally attractive, a whole team of people is behind that image.
And remind yourself that life is too short to even attempt to look flawless. The most attractive women and men are almost always the ones who are loving the lives they're living. Have fun. Do the things that make you feel good and you'll glow naturally.
To order your FREE Confidence Coaching Information Kit, please email me (eve@applecoaching.com) today.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham 2008.
I haven’t used a hairdryer for many years (whether my hair is long or short) and they not only blow dried it, but used straighteners, too. While my mother only needed a touch of concealer and a little lipstick, they put foundation, concealer, blusher, eye makeup and lipstick on me.
I look far from perfect but even for that, a lot of work went into the photos. It was a real reminder that the images I see on a daily basis just aren't possible to live up to. Can you imagine someone following you around all day to ensure stray hairs were falling in the right direction?
On film sets, this also happens but I always get so caught up in the story, I completely forget each time and think that everyone looks stunning naturally. Then, when I remember, I think about Olivia Goldsmith's book Flavor of the Month when I realised that film wardrobes include separate jeans for actors to stand up in and sit down in so they're always looking their absolute best. (Can you imagine how dull all that changing must get?!)
Next time you catch yourself thinking that a model or actor looks perfect and there'll never be any hope for you, remind yourself that while they're sure to be naturally attractive, a whole team of people is behind that image.
And remind yourself that life is too short to even attempt to look flawless. The most attractive women and men are almost always the ones who are loving the lives they're living. Have fun. Do the things that make you feel good and you'll glow naturally.
To order your FREE Confidence Coaching Information Kit, please email me (eve@applecoaching.com) today.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham 2008.
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