Developing patience

This is for myself as much as anyone else. I'm waiting (impatiently) for a delivery (new laptop - much needed) that should have arrived yesterday.

My reactions to waiting, while getting on with things that needed to be done, were increased stress and anxiety, distrust that it would turn up at all (true in the case of yesterday) and annoyance that several people suggested I could become more patient.

Like everything, it's easy to assume that the way we feel about things is the way everyone else would feel. But apparently, I'm more impatient about things like deliveries (rearranging work schedules to accommodate times given, waiting on hold etc.) than other people in my life claim to be.

What makes you feel most impatient?

Do you have any cures for impatience? (I find a little yoga helps along with doing something quite engrossing so I'm not waiting quite so actively but sometimes, even though I know there are things I can do to help, I just don't feel like it. It's as if I want to feel cross!)

I feel much better about it today than I did yesterday (and know how lucky I am to have such a high class problem. I have everything else I need and am grateful) but would love to hear tips and suggestions that can ease future waiting...

Stop struggling - find more energy

"Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can cancel completely" - Martha Beck

After the lovely weather of the long weekend, it's rainy and grey outside. Personally, I love the rain but if it makes your heart sink, look for other ways (let's face it, we can never count on the weather) to cheer yourself up.

Look through your diary for the coming few days / weeks and notice your responses as certain things crop up. Is there anything you're especially looking forward to? Notice how just thinking about this makes you feel enthusiastic and energised.

What about the things you're dreading? Does thinking about something you have scheduled but don't want to do drain your energy?

As far as possible, cancel all the things that drain your energy and create more space for the things that help you feel invincible.

I know, I know, we all have certain obligations that can't be cancelled completely. But is there someone who might love doing what you keep procrastinating?

Maybe you can do a swap with someone else in your family or office? (Washing up everyday for vacuuming twice a week? Making some tricky phone calls for a couple of hours' admin?) Perhaps, if you work for yourself, you can barter with someone else or higher someone like a VA (Virtual Assistant).

It will take ongoing time and effort but the more you take control of your schedule so you increase what makes you feel good and decrease the energy drainers, the happier your life will be.

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009

Would you ever withhold your work from the world out of rage?

This made me laugh so much when I saw Vicky Christina Barcelona. One of the characters wrote poetry but refused to publish them because he hated the world.

I'm laughing now at the very idea.

Still, are there areas where you hold yourself back? Don't share your gifts because you're angry? Or maybe afraid of how they'll be received?

(I realise I still stop singing whenever I think anyone else might be able to hear me. Not because I'm a misanthrope but embarrassment kicks in.)

Think about the way you express yourself, dance, sing, write, paint and so on. Would you like to become a bit bolder?

Build up, step by step...

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009

Loving "Lie to me"

I learned about "eye accessing cues" while doing my NLP training. Our eyes move differently depending on whether we're creating (lying) or remembering an actual event (telling the truth).

While I found this part of the course interesting, I filed the info away under I'm Unlikely To Actually Need to Put This Into Practice - I couldn't imagine becoming fast enough at it all (especially as most people show it in certain ways but others do it differently) to put it into proper practice.

So I was reassured by Lie to Me (I already adore this show based on the research of real life psychologist and micro-expressions expert Dr Paul Ekman). The father-daughter relationship is especially cringe inducing - can you imagine having a "human lie detector" as a father when you just want to survive your teens?

Although the team spend everyday consulting on various cases / situations where people want to know the truth, they spend a lot of time studying these micro-expressions on a huge screen, pressing pause at incremental steps.

None of the characters are based on real people but I've not been able to stop worrying about the (fictional) one who practices Radical Honesty. How he doesn't get beaten up every day is beyond me - so much of what he says is inappropriate.

Still, it's made me much more conscious of how our actions really do speak much louder than our words.

Enjoy!

(C) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009

Be proud of your past

I watched The Return of the Killer Tomatoes last night. I'd recorded it assuming I'd give up after a couple of minutes (all I knew was it was one of George Clooney's early roles) but it was unexpectedly hilarious.

I laughed aloud several times (at lines like "That was the bravest thing I've ever seen a vegetable do") and really enjoyed it.

The reason it leaped out from the TV guide was that George Clooney was (gently) mocked for this role in practically every interview I read after he became a star. But rather than dismissing it as something he had to do to pay the rent / feeling victimised by the interviewer, he always seemed proud of his acting roots.

Thinking about your own life, is there a part you'd rather not remember? (For me, it's pretty much everything up until my mid-twenties!)

How can you embrace it as part of what made you who you are today?

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

Quick test: Are you an introvert or an extravert?

If you don't know, imagine you're feeling low on energy.

Would you rather spend time with other people or lock yourself away alone until you can recharge?

Extraverts get energised by spending time with other people. Introverts need that time alone beforehand.

I always thought I was an extravert but, naturally, am introverted. I've been quite surprised by how many of my loved ones are extraverts but knowing this really helps me when I'm feeling frazzled.

By working with your natural tendencies, you can find ways to enjoy the time you spend with other people and alone much more.

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

Are your eyes open?

Watching last week's Brothers and Sisters, when Sally Field's character, Nora, said her eyes are staying open, made me think of the (scary) Group sessions that make up part of my psychosynthesis training.

I need to keep my eyes wide open as I look at myself and my patterns - even when I want to fast forward through something uncomfortable, cover my eyes or just shut them tight.

Is there an area of your life that you've been "turning a blind eye" to? What are you now willing to see? Are there things that you're afraid to look at closely?

Will shielding yourself make these unpleasant aspects go away or are you setting yourself up to have to handle something even messier in the future?

How can you begin to open your eyes to your life - in a way that's appropriate - more?

Is there a friend or someone else who can help you?

No matter what you find, I think it's always better to know what you're dealing with. Even with eyes shut tightly, our imaginations can make things seem even worse.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

Keeping your word

I just interviewed a parenting author who talked a lot about breaking trust with children.

Obviously, ideally, we'd all keep trust not only with children but with everyone we deal with.

Kids call us on things (if we've said we'll do something with them - ice cream, trampolining etc. - they'll hold us to it).

Adults may hide their disappointment better but it will change things. As for ourselves, how many times have you cancelled on yourself ("me time", a lie in / early night or day off)?

How would keeping your word - with yourself as well as the people you deal with - impact on your life?

Notice the things you find hardest to stick to. Maybe it's time to let them go (cross them off your list for good) or adapt them?

(C) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

Do something different

Someone close (not a client) was moaning about not having time to wash the car. I suggested they try a handwash car wash they regularly drive past and they said, "Don't be so ridiculous, I can do it myself."

Seconds later, they asked, "How much?"

It's about £6 and they've now tried it and are delighted with the results.

I hadn't realised but they'd been meaning to wash it for ages. Everytime they walked past / got in, the guilt was there... Exhausting.

Is there anything you've been putting off for ages that could be done by someone else for a small fee you'd be happy to pay?

If you think paying for it is unfathomable, can you just get on with it and do it so you can finally start enjoying your dirty car equivalent?

Do something different. It may make your day (like the person who now plans to upgrade and get a wax and vacuum next time they get the car cleaned professionally).

Or you may realise that just doing whatever it is frees up enough energy to make your day anyway.

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.