I'm nearly sorted for Kenya now. Can't believe how quickly it's come around.
Sometimes, the preparation for time out of the office (not to mention prepping for all the things I'll need while away) seems overwhelming but I know it'll be worth it.
This blog will return when I get back in a few weeks.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
Friday 27 February 2009
Wednesday 25 February 2009
How do other people see you?
Yesterday, it seemed that everything I watched on TV had something to do with impersonations.
When Tina Fey was interviewed by Oprah about her infamous Sarah Palin impressions on Saturday Night Live she made it clear that she didn't want to be mean spirited about it (Palin was a good sport in going on SNL and some people worried that the impressions were actually boosting her ratings).
I almost cried with laughter watching Hilary Swank on Ellen. She bounded out and instead of greeting the host, she pretended to be the host. Sporting an Ellen-like hair cut from a film role (Amelia Earhart), she'd dressed as Ellen for Hallowe'en (we see it later in the UK). She bounded out and did the Ellen dance and the Ellen wave.
Ellen said she'd had no idea she looked so surprised like that.
Jon Stewart was also filmed reacting to John Oliver's impression of him as former Oscar host on The Daily Show. This impression had a little bit of meaness but Jon Stewart recognised that his job involves it, and, again, took it with good grace.
I don't like mean impressions but when they're affectionate, they can be hilarious.
They can also give us clues into the way we act in the world. Assuming you're not famous and don't see impersonator's versions of you on a regular basis, you could still think about the mannerisms, expressions (facial and verbal) and so on that are part of you.
Does anything stand out as something you'd like to drop? Is there anything you'd even want to exagerate?
You may even choose to get together with a group of trusted friends and "play" each other to build awareness of all the things you're so used to doing, you don't notice them.
By impersonating someone else, you might also hit on a way to tap into a more sociable, confident, fun, athletic or other you.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
When Tina Fey was interviewed by Oprah about her infamous Sarah Palin impressions on Saturday Night Live she made it clear that she didn't want to be mean spirited about it (Palin was a good sport in going on SNL and some people worried that the impressions were actually boosting her ratings).
I almost cried with laughter watching Hilary Swank on Ellen. She bounded out and instead of greeting the host, she pretended to be the host. Sporting an Ellen-like hair cut from a film role (Amelia Earhart), she'd dressed as Ellen for Hallowe'en (we see it later in the UK). She bounded out and did the Ellen dance and the Ellen wave.
Ellen said she'd had no idea she looked so surprised like that.
Jon Stewart was also filmed reacting to John Oliver's impression of him as former Oscar host on The Daily Show. This impression had a little bit of meaness but Jon Stewart recognised that his job involves it, and, again, took it with good grace.
I don't like mean impressions but when they're affectionate, they can be hilarious.
They can also give us clues into the way we act in the world. Assuming you're not famous and don't see impersonator's versions of you on a regular basis, you could still think about the mannerisms, expressions (facial and verbal) and so on that are part of you.
Does anything stand out as something you'd like to drop? Is there anything you'd even want to exagerate?
You may even choose to get together with a group of trusted friends and "play" each other to build awareness of all the things you're so used to doing, you don't notice them.
By impersonating someone else, you might also hit on a way to tap into a more sociable, confident, fun, athletic or other you.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
Monday 23 February 2009
Innoculations for the heart
I've just had my final jab before I head off to Kenya next week.
I'm always alarmed when the nurse explains the risks of various diseases. A little part of me actually contemplates staying home.
But I know it'll be worth it and I'm really looking forward to seeing the country my mother was born and raised in (as well as to having a couple of weeks' holiday).
It made me think about life experiences like marriage, parenting and so many other things we risk as humans.
If people focused only on the scary aspects (something unthinkable happening to a child, betrayal and so on), the species would have died out a long, long time ago. No one would ever allow themselves to fall in love or to have children.
Is there something you're pushing away in your own life? It may be a risk to do with work or a creative venture or love... think about it.
In most emotional situations, there is no innoculation for the heart. But by surrounding your life with as much love as possible (supportive friends and family as well as the love and encouragement you can learn to give yourself), whatever happens will be easier to handle.
Sure, certain things will still hurt. A lot.
But it doesn't have to be deadly.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
I'm always alarmed when the nurse explains the risks of various diseases. A little part of me actually contemplates staying home.
But I know it'll be worth it and I'm really looking forward to seeing the country my mother was born and raised in (as well as to having a couple of weeks' holiday).
It made me think about life experiences like marriage, parenting and so many other things we risk as humans.
If people focused only on the scary aspects (something unthinkable happening to a child, betrayal and so on), the species would have died out a long, long time ago. No one would ever allow themselves to fall in love or to have children.
Is there something you're pushing away in your own life? It may be a risk to do with work or a creative venture or love... think about it.
In most emotional situations, there is no innoculation for the heart. But by surrounding your life with as much love as possible (supportive friends and family as well as the love and encouragement you can learn to give yourself), whatever happens will be easier to handle.
Sure, certain things will still hurt. A lot.
But it doesn't have to be deadly.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
Friday 20 February 2009
Giving yourself time and space
It may seem self indulgent, but if you don't allow yourself the time and space you need alone, you may end up feeling just as cranky as if you were sleep or food deprived.
Pay attention next time you find yourself:
. growing irritable with someone you care about
. feeling enraged on the roads (or even at the checkout)
. wanting to scream with frustration because you're on hold for just a minute or two
Give yourself a break and life's frustrations will no longer feel so major. And don't get cross with yourself for being human, just recognise it as your body's way of telling you to give yourself a break before you do anything you might regret.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
Pay attention next time you find yourself:
. growing irritable with someone you care about
. feeling enraged on the roads (or even at the checkout)
. wanting to scream with frustration because you're on hold for just a minute or two
Give yourself a break and life's frustrations will no longer feel so major. And don't get cross with yourself for being human, just recognise it as your body's way of telling you to give yourself a break before you do anything you might regret.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
Wednesday 18 February 2009
Choosing the way you see things
I'm (along with every other coach in the world, probably) constantly reminding clients (and myself) that while we can't choose what happens to us, we can choose our reaction.
I've heard some amazing examples of people choosing happiness in the face of incredible odds and this beats all:
Matt and Ginny chose to see each moment they had with their very sick little son as a blessing. They celebrated every day they had with him and seemed devoid of any bitterness.
How lucky for little Eliot to be born into such an amazing family for his short life. I can't really say anymore but the video says it all:
http://www.oprah.com/media/20081001_tows_99balloons
(I cry at anything, but seriously, you'll probably need tissues.)
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
I've heard some amazing examples of people choosing happiness in the face of incredible odds and this beats all:
Matt and Ginny chose to see each moment they had with their very sick little son as a blessing. They celebrated every day they had with him and seemed devoid of any bitterness.
How lucky for little Eliot to be born into such an amazing family for his short life. I can't really say anymore but the video says it all:
http://www.oprah.com/media/20081001_tows_99balloons
(I cry at anything, but seriously, you'll probably need tissues.)
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
Monday 16 February 2009
Employment special - Be open to opportunities
I was on Sadie Nine's BBC Essex show this afternoon offering coaching advice for callers and listeners who had been made redundant / felt insecure in existing jobs / wanted a change etc.
No matter how unplanned your current situation, take back control. It's easy and natural to feel disempowered when changes are afoot in your company or even industry.
But there's probably not a great deal that you, personally, can do to make the whole field safer.
What you can do is focus on your own situation.
. keep your CV up to date
. read business pages
. update your skills by enrolling in an evening class
. tell your friends, family and acquaintances about the kind of work you're looking for (not in a desperate way but in a proactive way). The more you can share about this work, the more likely they are to think of you when someone mentions an opening
. practice your interview skills. If it's been a long time since your last one, practice role playing with friends / family
The more you can keep your focus on your outcome (finding work you love which also pays well) and the more positive you can be, the easier it will be to spot opportunities. You'll also come across as a more appealing candidate.
I'll share more coaching tips in my newsletter on Wednesday (you can sign up via my website if you don't already get them).
And if you'd like to listen to the employment special, I was on from 2.45-3.45pm today (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/mainframe.shtml?http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/essex.shtml)
Good luck!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
No matter how unplanned your current situation, take back control. It's easy and natural to feel disempowered when changes are afoot in your company or even industry.
But there's probably not a great deal that you, personally, can do to make the whole field safer.
What you can do is focus on your own situation.
. keep your CV up to date
. read business pages
. update your skills by enrolling in an evening class
. tell your friends, family and acquaintances about the kind of work you're looking for (not in a desperate way but in a proactive way). The more you can share about this work, the more likely they are to think of you when someone mentions an opening
. practice your interview skills. If it's been a long time since your last one, practice role playing with friends / family
The more you can keep your focus on your outcome (finding work you love which also pays well) and the more positive you can be, the easier it will be to spot opportunities. You'll also come across as a more appealing candidate.
I'll share more coaching tips in my newsletter on Wednesday (you can sign up via my website if you don't already get them).
And if you'd like to listen to the employment special, I was on from 2.45-3.45pm today (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/mainframe.shtml?http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/essex.shtml)
Good luck!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
Friday 13 February 2009
Rejected: Tales of the Failed, Dumped and Canceled
I ordered this book based on the title alone.
When I started coaching, most of my clients were writers. While we face more rejection than many people, everyone on the planet has to deal with it.
(And it's not like being a musician, dancer, actor or model where you have to take the rejection in person and thank them for the opportunity rather than slump into a heap on the stage and weep openly).
I've only dipped into this book so far (am looking forward to reading it properly soon) but it's very entertaining. Many of the contributors are comedy writers.
And I imagine writing about their humiliation brought its own healing.
Next time you're in a situation where you feel rejected, distance yourself from it a little. Instead of allowing yourself to feel all the pain before you're ready, ask yourself how you might spin it for a laugh as you tell your partner / friend / mum later on.
Then remember whatever it was you set out to do (get a job that pays well and feels fulfilling / get published / onstage etc.) and keep going.
Keep seeking and applying for every possible opportunity. Build up those rejection muscles and let them make you stronger.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
When I started coaching, most of my clients were writers. While we face more rejection than many people, everyone on the planet has to deal with it.
(And it's not like being a musician, dancer, actor or model where you have to take the rejection in person and thank them for the opportunity rather than slump into a heap on the stage and weep openly).
I've only dipped into this book so far (am looking forward to reading it properly soon) but it's very entertaining. Many of the contributors are comedy writers.
And I imagine writing about their humiliation brought its own healing.
Next time you're in a situation where you feel rejected, distance yourself from it a little. Instead of allowing yourself to feel all the pain before you're ready, ask yourself how you might spin it for a laugh as you tell your partner / friend / mum later on.
Then remember whatever it was you set out to do (get a job that pays well and feels fulfilling / get published / onstage etc.) and keep going.
Keep seeking and applying for every possible opportunity. Build up those rejection muscles and let them make you stronger.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
Wednesday 11 February 2009
What are your instincts telling you about your life?
Oprah (yay Sky+!!) was about paying attention to The Gift of Fear, today.
Most of it was about life threatening situations and, people paying attention to their instincts saving them.
But the author, Gavin de Becker, also pointed out that our instincts warn us when we're moving off track in our everyday lives.
He said that when we don't pay attention to our feelings that something's wrong (maybe with a job or relationship), our instincts force us to pay greater attention by giving us panic attacks or illness.
Is there an area of your life where, even though you think you're being silly, your body is giving you signals (a feeling in your gut, a pain somewhere, nausea or some other symtom) that it's time to pay attention and get back on the right track for you?
As De Becker points out, when a small animal senses a lion and runs away before the lion can even be seen, it doesn't beat itself up saying "I'm so ridiculous for running. What's wrong with me?"
Sit with your fears. What are they trying to tell you? How can they help you move your life into a happier and healthier direction?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
Most of it was about life threatening situations and, people paying attention to their instincts saving them.
But the author, Gavin de Becker, also pointed out that our instincts warn us when we're moving off track in our everyday lives.
He said that when we don't pay attention to our feelings that something's wrong (maybe with a job or relationship), our instincts force us to pay greater attention by giving us panic attacks or illness.
Is there an area of your life where, even though you think you're being silly, your body is giving you signals (a feeling in your gut, a pain somewhere, nausea or some other symtom) that it's time to pay attention and get back on the right track for you?
As De Becker points out, when a small animal senses a lion and runs away before the lion can even be seen, it doesn't beat itself up saying "I'm so ridiculous for running. What's wrong with me?"
Sit with your fears. What are they trying to tell you? How can they help you move your life into a happier and healthier direction?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.
Monday 9 February 2009
The Thought Police - Part 2
Funnily enough, we were talking about apologies on Sadie Nine's show (click here to listen and choose Saturday lunchtime http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/mainframe.shtml?http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/essex.shtml) this weekend.
I was very much in the minority (a few callers called me the Thought Police and one called me worse) but stand by what I said: I think the world would be a much nicer place if, instead of waiting until something affects us personally to take offense, we use our empathy skills to think, "You know what, I didn't mean to cause offence there but completely see how it might have seemed like I did and I'm sorry."
Sure, bullying toughens some people up but in many cases, it leaves scars (or worse) that can last forever.
I want to live in a world where people feel able to stand up for themselves when people are unkind to them.
But not everyone has unshakable self confidence or a safety net at home where they can talk through those hurt feelings and be assured that they're not inherently wrong themselves.
So I feel we all have a duty to stand up for people who may not feel confident enough to stand up for themselves.
That doesn't mean that I think we should decide that we know better than others what should be considered offensive. And I don't think that the Carol Thatcher thing should have been leaked or sold to the press. A quiet word would have been much better.
We all have our own hot spots. People who barely bat an eyelid at racist, sexist or homophobic remarks become sensitive when someone says something about a disability (or the other way around).
But if we think about it, I'm sure we can all remember times when we felt unable, for whatever reason, to stand up for ourselves. Maybe we were the only woman or man in a group etc.
Hopefully, we can all learn to express ourselves more kindly and learn from each other.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
I was very much in the minority (a few callers called me the Thought Police and one called me worse) but stand by what I said: I think the world would be a much nicer place if, instead of waiting until something affects us personally to take offense, we use our empathy skills to think, "You know what, I didn't mean to cause offence there but completely see how it might have seemed like I did and I'm sorry."
Sure, bullying toughens some people up but in many cases, it leaves scars (or worse) that can last forever.
I want to live in a world where people feel able to stand up for themselves when people are unkind to them.
But not everyone has unshakable self confidence or a safety net at home where they can talk through those hurt feelings and be assured that they're not inherently wrong themselves.
So I feel we all have a duty to stand up for people who may not feel confident enough to stand up for themselves.
That doesn't mean that I think we should decide that we know better than others what should be considered offensive. And I don't think that the Carol Thatcher thing should have been leaked or sold to the press. A quiet word would have been much better.
We all have our own hot spots. People who barely bat an eyelid at racist, sexist or homophobic remarks become sensitive when someone says something about a disability (or the other way around).
But if we think about it, I'm sure we can all remember times when we felt unable, for whatever reason, to stand up for ourselves. Maybe we were the only woman or man in a group etc.
Hopefully, we can all learn to express ourselves more kindly and learn from each other.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
Friday 6 February 2009
Beware of The Thought Police. Is it you?
To watch or read any news this week, it seems that everyone's having to apologise for something someone thinks they should never have said.
Call me PC but I'm all for being kind and avoiding hurting anyone (whether it's a minority or majority, everyone has feelings and respect is a good thing).
I don't believe that my (or anyone else's) freedom of expression should over-ride someone else's right to not be verbally abused or insulted.
Having said that, we all have "bad" thoughts. Thoughts that, if we suppress and repress them, will only bubble up inappropriately and hurtfully.
If something's upsetting you and you're not comfortable enough (even in your own head, in your diary or with a trusted friend or therapist) to explore those feelings, you won't be able to shine a healing light on them so they can be released.
Instead, they'll fester and make you feel guilty for even having them (while also using up a lot of your energy as you try to deny them).
If you have thoughts that just won't be silenced, light a candle or small flashlight. Begin to examine them.
In many cases, just acknowledging them will help you set them (and yourself) free without hurting anyone.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
Call me PC but I'm all for being kind and avoiding hurting anyone (whether it's a minority or majority, everyone has feelings and respect is a good thing).
I don't believe that my (or anyone else's) freedom of expression should over-ride someone else's right to not be verbally abused or insulted.
Having said that, we all have "bad" thoughts. Thoughts that, if we suppress and repress them, will only bubble up inappropriately and hurtfully.
If something's upsetting you and you're not comfortable enough (even in your own head, in your diary or with a trusted friend or therapist) to explore those feelings, you won't be able to shine a healing light on them so they can be released.
Instead, they'll fester and make you feel guilty for even having them (while also using up a lot of your energy as you try to deny them).
If you have thoughts that just won't be silenced, light a candle or small flashlight. Begin to examine them.
In many cases, just acknowledging them will help you set them (and yourself) free without hurting anyone.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
Wednesday 4 February 2009
The kindness of strangers and a very long walk
From the map, it was a clear cut case of turning right at the bottom of the hill and walking a short distance along the seafront before arriving at my meeting.
After the short distance (having already walked a fair way to get from the station to the foot of the hill), I asked someone for directions. They told me to keep going and I did for another 20 minutes when I asked another stranger.
They pointed off into the distance (the way I was heading) and said it was there but when I got there, I realised I had walked past two train stations and it had been over an hour.
Fortunately, the third people I stopped knew exactly where it was. Turns out it was at the foot of the hill I'd climbed down and, had I not been so intent on avoiding the icy bits of the path (i.e., most of it), I'd have noticed.
They gave me the number of a cab company when I asked but, while I was booking (fortunately, I had allowed myself waaaay too much time), they told me they were heading that way and would drop me off.
They didn't know me. I don't know their names and they refused my offer of money.
But it really got me thinking about the kindness of strangers. As well as all the extra exercise, the experience left me thinking that the universe is definitely a kind place.
Thank you, Kind Couple!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
After the short distance (having already walked a fair way to get from the station to the foot of the hill), I asked someone for directions. They told me to keep going and I did for another 20 minutes when I asked another stranger.
They pointed off into the distance (the way I was heading) and said it was there but when I got there, I realised I had walked past two train stations and it had been over an hour.
Fortunately, the third people I stopped knew exactly where it was. Turns out it was at the foot of the hill I'd climbed down and, had I not been so intent on avoiding the icy bits of the path (i.e., most of it), I'd have noticed.
They gave me the number of a cab company when I asked but, while I was booking (fortunately, I had allowed myself waaaay too much time), they told me they were heading that way and would drop me off.
They didn't know me. I don't know their names and they refused my offer of money.
But it really got me thinking about the kindness of strangers. As well as all the extra exercise, the experience left me thinking that the universe is definitely a kind place.
Thank you, Kind Couple!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
Monday 2 February 2009
Changing your perspective
While I swam yesterday, I could see the snow coming down on the roof and around the conservatory type building that houses the pool. Swimming in the snow is something I'll always remember.
Even though I really enjoyed it, I was apprehensive about the consequences of such beautiful weather. Ever since I tore a ligament in my knee after walking for miles and miles in the snow 6 years ago, I have mixed emotions about snow. I alternate between fear of falling again and joy at the beauty of it all.
Someone mentioned that her children were praying for a snow day while she was hoping it would clear.
Talk about different ways to look at the same thing.
At the end of the day, I can't control the weather. So letting go of the tension that trying to control things that are none of my business creates, I decided to just enjoy whatever happened.
When it got heavy last night, I went out a few times (quietly to avoid waking up the neighbours) and made snow angels.
This morning, they were completely covered by fresh snow but I got out there while it was still pretty pristine and made more snow angels and a snow woman (Betty).
Because I had fun in the snow last night and this morning, next time I catch myself walking as slowly as a 376 year old in the snow, my attitude will be different.
Snow's no longer just an inconvenient hazard but a source of fun.
Being snowed in today doesn't really affect me workwise (I didn't have any outside appointments planned).
Still, it's a useful reminder that, no matter how sophisticated and civilised we think we are, sometimes, the weather's the boss.
Stay safe and enjoy!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
Even though I really enjoyed it, I was apprehensive about the consequences of such beautiful weather. Ever since I tore a ligament in my knee after walking for miles and miles in the snow 6 years ago, I have mixed emotions about snow. I alternate between fear of falling again and joy at the beauty of it all.
Someone mentioned that her children were praying for a snow day while she was hoping it would clear.
Talk about different ways to look at the same thing.
At the end of the day, I can't control the weather. So letting go of the tension that trying to control things that are none of my business creates, I decided to just enjoy whatever happened.
When it got heavy last night, I went out a few times (quietly to avoid waking up the neighbours) and made snow angels.
This morning, they were completely covered by fresh snow but I got out there while it was still pretty pristine and made more snow angels and a snow woman (Betty).
Because I had fun in the snow last night and this morning, next time I catch myself walking as slowly as a 376 year old in the snow, my attitude will be different.
Snow's no longer just an inconvenient hazard but a source of fun.
Being snowed in today doesn't really affect me workwise (I didn't have any outside appointments planned).
Still, it's a useful reminder that, no matter how sophisticated and civilised we think we are, sometimes, the weather's the boss.
Stay safe and enjoy!
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
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