Instead of beating yourself up the next time you feel irritable, see if you can decipher your mood's clues.
It may be basic like needing to get more sleep / exercise /certain nutrients.
Or it may point to life changes that would make you happier.
Think about the things that make you feel cranky on a regular basis. Make a list:
1)
2)
3)
Do you notice any patterns or themes?
Give yourself permission to be cranky and use that to help make the world, and your life, better.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Thursday 31 July 2008
Monday 28 July 2008
Courting controversy and authentic expression
Have you ever watched in horror or awe as people (in your daily life or someone you read about or see on TV) express the most outlanding opinions or wear outrageous outfits?
No one's suggesting you start arguing or clashing colours / patterns just for the sake of it. But do you ever bite your tongue or wear something staid and later wish you'd expressed yourself more?
To become more daring, ask yourself:
1) Whose outrageousness do you admire most? (Add as many names as possible here)
2) How can you bring some of their chutzpah into your own life or wardrobe?
It may be that you'd like to be more you as you live your life. Or maybe you wish you had the courage to defend other people when someone bolshy makes a hurtful remark.
Challenge yourself to start speaking your truth more often.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
No one's suggesting you start arguing or clashing colours / patterns just for the sake of it. But do you ever bite your tongue or wear something staid and later wish you'd expressed yourself more?
To become more daring, ask yourself:
1) Whose outrageousness do you admire most? (Add as many names as possible here)
2) How can you bring some of their chutzpah into your own life or wardrobe?
It may be that you'd like to be more you as you live your life. Or maybe you wish you had the courage to defend other people when someone bolshy makes a hurtful remark.
Challenge yourself to start speaking your truth more often.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Thursday 24 July 2008
What kind of support do you have?
Sanjeev Baskhar tells a joke:
PARENT: What do you want to be when you grow up?
CHILD: An actor.
PARENT: It's pronounced doctor.
Bearing in mind that however supportive (or not) your parents were, you're in control of your life now, are you being held back by other people's expectations for you?
Too many people live their whole lives doing work or even married to people they never loved. If you're not already, when are you going to start living for yourself?
What do you want to be when you "grow up"? Who supports you (or would if they knew how serious you are)? How can you spend more time with them?
Who will never understand your goals? How can you avoid letting them rain on your parade?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
PARENT: What do you want to be when you grow up?
CHILD: An actor.
PARENT: It's pronounced doctor.
Bearing in mind that however supportive (or not) your parents were, you're in control of your life now, are you being held back by other people's expectations for you?
Too many people live their whole lives doing work or even married to people they never loved. If you're not already, when are you going to start living for yourself?
What do you want to be when you "grow up"? Who supports you (or would if they knew how serious you are)? How can you spend more time with them?
Who will never understand your goals? How can you avoid letting them rain on your parade?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Monday 21 July 2008
Wise words from JK Rowling
"There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you." JK Rowling
It sounds obvious but many people still (even in their 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond) say "if only" as if they didn't have a chance.
Yes, our early years are especially formative and it takes effort and discipline to overcome setbacks. But the alternative is prolonging that misery.
So take charge.
What three things would you like to rewrite from your childhood (traumas you wished hadn't happened, things you wish your parents had encouraged, support in a particular area...):
1)
2)
3)
Bearing in mind that we can't turn back time, how can you start giving yourself the support / protection / guidance you've been longing for?
What can you start doing differently right now?
Taking responsibility is scary but it'll be worth it.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008
It sounds obvious but many people still (even in their 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond) say "if only" as if they didn't have a chance.
Yes, our early years are especially formative and it takes effort and discipline to overcome setbacks. But the alternative is prolonging that misery.
So take charge.
What three things would you like to rewrite from your childhood (traumas you wished hadn't happened, things you wish your parents had encouraged, support in a particular area...):
1)
2)
3)
Bearing in mind that we can't turn back time, how can you start giving yourself the support / protection / guidance you've been longing for?
What can you start doing differently right now?
Taking responsibility is scary but it'll be worth it.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008
Thursday 17 July 2008
Exercises for your heart
When was the last time you followed your heart?
You may have been brought up to over-ride your heart's messages for you by paying more attention to your head.
But sometimes, doing something that will feel good is just what all of you needs. What makes your heart feel better?
Spending unexpected time with your partner? Enjoying time with your baby / kids (instead of being focused on how you need to get everyone out of the door)? Playing with your dog / cat / horse? Watching cloud formations in the sky from your back on the grass?
List three things you don't normally "have time" for:
1)
2)
3)
Fit them in and start feeling better instantly.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008
You may have been brought up to over-ride your heart's messages for you by paying more attention to your head.
But sometimes, doing something that will feel good is just what all of you needs. What makes your heart feel better?
Spending unexpected time with your partner? Enjoying time with your baby / kids (instead of being focused on how you need to get everyone out of the door)? Playing with your dog / cat / horse? Watching cloud formations in the sky from your back on the grass?
List three things you don't normally "have time" for:
1)
2)
3)
Fit them in and start feeling better instantly.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008
Monday 14 July 2008
Decode your dreams
As well as helping you figure out what your waking dreams are (what kind of work / relationships / home etc. do you want to create?), coaching can help you understand what your night time dreams are trying to tell you.
By understanding what your unconscious mind is trying to say, you can save yourself a lot of effort as you go about your daily life.
I've always had really odd dreams. By the time I was a teenager, I'd given up on dream dictionaries as the definitions felt so arbitrary. How could a cat mean the same thing for someone who had a cat phobia, a cat lover and someone who may have recently lost their cat? Who could believe that a dream involving cigarettes would mean the same for a non smoker, a heavy smoker and someone who'd quit?
Are you interested in learning more about what your dreams mean for you and techniques to help you decode future dreams yourself? I hope you'll find my new Decode Your Dreams Breakthrough Session of interest.
You can find out more by visiting http://www.applecoaching.com/phdi/p1.nsf/supppages/1138?opendocument&part=2 or emailing eve@applecoaching.com
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008
By understanding what your unconscious mind is trying to say, you can save yourself a lot of effort as you go about your daily life.
I've always had really odd dreams. By the time I was a teenager, I'd given up on dream dictionaries as the definitions felt so arbitrary. How could a cat mean the same thing for someone who had a cat phobia, a cat lover and someone who may have recently lost their cat? Who could believe that a dream involving cigarettes would mean the same for a non smoker, a heavy smoker and someone who'd quit?
Are you interested in learning more about what your dreams mean for you and techniques to help you decode future dreams yourself? I hope you'll find my new Decode Your Dreams Breakthrough Session of interest.
You can find out more by visiting http://www.applecoaching.com/phdi/p1.nsf/supppages/1138?opendocument&part=2 or emailing eve@applecoaching.com
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008
Thursday 10 July 2008
What's the nicest thing you could do for yourself right now?
Often, we know exactly what would make us feel better / help us move towards our goals. And yet, we try to rationalise restraint.
I regularly see clients get better results when I've helped them prioritise themselves and their own wellbeing but I still have to give myself a pep talk when it comes to treating myself with the same care.
So I've just booked myself a back massage for tomorrow. Yes, I'll inevitably be working late to make up for the time out of my office but I know it's worth it. It's been years since my last massage and when I find myself writing a lot about wellbeing, I know I need to be extra vigilant to avoid neglecting my own.
Just ask yourself the question: "What is the nicest thing I could do for myself right now?" and let the answer surprise you.
You know what you need. It might be the opportunity to shut (or leave open) your car windows and belt out your favourite songs at the top of your lungs? It might be leaving the house or office to go for a walk? Connecting with a fun friend who makes you laugh?
Be nice to yourself and schedule it in.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
I regularly see clients get better results when I've helped them prioritise themselves and their own wellbeing but I still have to give myself a pep talk when it comes to treating myself with the same care.
So I've just booked myself a back massage for tomorrow. Yes, I'll inevitably be working late to make up for the time out of my office but I know it's worth it. It's been years since my last massage and when I find myself writing a lot about wellbeing, I know I need to be extra vigilant to avoid neglecting my own.
Just ask yourself the question: "What is the nicest thing I could do for myself right now?" and let the answer surprise you.
You know what you need. It might be the opportunity to shut (or leave open) your car windows and belt out your favourite songs at the top of your lungs? It might be leaving the house or office to go for a walk? Connecting with a fun friend who makes you laugh?
Be nice to yourself and schedule it in.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Monday 7 July 2008
Confessions of a shy confidence coach
When I was starting out as a coach, I felt that I should be perfect. But over the years, I've realised that the fact that I've had to use all these coaching, NLP and complementary tools myself allows me to have more empathy for my clients.
I was reminded of this ridiculous pressure I used to put on myself a few days ago. I'd been interviewed for Psychologies and myself and the other women in the piece had gone to Brixton for an all day photoshoot.
Some seemed far more extraverted and confident than me but when one of them asked about my own confidence and confidence coaching, it just wasn't an issue.
Confidence is different for everyone. For you it might mean making a phone call you've been putting off, for someone else, singing Kareoke in a crowded bar. For one person it might be going to a party (or even to a local shop) sober and for another person, it could be singing live in front of a crowd of thousands.
What challenges your confidence?
While I'm definitely more confident now than I've ever been, I'll probably never be the kind of person who feels completely at ease in front of a camera (or having hair and make up done). And that's fine.
I've coached clients whose lives are hard for me to imagine. But I love helping them access their own confidence reserves so they can fly even higher. Other clients are so shy that little steps are enormous for them.
Basically, I now have the confidence to know that as long as I can help people, it's OK to feel shy / nervous / excited about things. I'm constantly pushing out my own comfort zones.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008. All rights reserved.
I was reminded of this ridiculous pressure I used to put on myself a few days ago. I'd been interviewed for Psychologies and myself and the other women in the piece had gone to Brixton for an all day photoshoot.
Some seemed far more extraverted and confident than me but when one of them asked about my own confidence and confidence coaching, it just wasn't an issue.
Confidence is different for everyone. For you it might mean making a phone call you've been putting off, for someone else, singing Kareoke in a crowded bar. For one person it might be going to a party (or even to a local shop) sober and for another person, it could be singing live in front of a crowd of thousands.
What challenges your confidence?
While I'm definitely more confident now than I've ever been, I'll probably never be the kind of person who feels completely at ease in front of a camera (or having hair and make up done). And that's fine.
I've coached clients whose lives are hard for me to imagine. But I love helping them access their own confidence reserves so they can fly even higher. Other clients are so shy that little steps are enormous for them.
Basically, I now have the confidence to know that as long as I can help people, it's OK to feel shy / nervous / excited about things. I'm constantly pushing out my own comfort zones.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008. All rights reserved.
Thursday 3 July 2008
Stop struggling. Practice happiness.
I watched A Prairie Home Companion last night. While bits were slow, there were several gems. They included: "Life is a struggle. If you ever feel happy, be patient. This will pass."
Although it made me laugh in the film, I feel sad thinking about all the people who take such a gloomy view in reality.
It's like the opposite of Will Smith's take. When he was interviewed by Jonathan Ross, Jonathan gently mocked him over his Oscar nomination (rather than win).
Will protested that all the nominees were winners. That's what they'd been told at the Oscar lunch.
Sure, he was being funny. But think about Will Smith's success. I think his habit of looking at life in this way - even when others half (or whole)-heartedly try to make him feel bad - has contributed to it hugely.
I believe that happiness is a practice. Saying it takes work makes it sound like a chore. But by practicing happiness, as you might yoga or meditation, you can retrain your brain to find the joy in life.
Sure, bad things will still happen, but, overall, you'll be better prepared for them than if you were to live everyday waiting for the worst case scenario.
Think of something that's happened today. How can you reframe it in a way that will not only help you feel better but make future success more likely?
As an example, I got a rejection from a potential editor today where she asked for other ideas. In my years as a freelance journalist, I've become so used to reframing rejection, I don't need to wallow at all. Instead, I'm focusing on pitching her something she'll want to commission next time (this week so the iron's still hot).
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008
Although it made me laugh in the film, I feel sad thinking about all the people who take such a gloomy view in reality.
It's like the opposite of Will Smith's take. When he was interviewed by Jonathan Ross, Jonathan gently mocked him over his Oscar nomination (rather than win).
Will protested that all the nominees were winners. That's what they'd been told at the Oscar lunch.
Sure, he was being funny. But think about Will Smith's success. I think his habit of looking at life in this way - even when others half (or whole)-heartedly try to make him feel bad - has contributed to it hugely.
I believe that happiness is a practice. Saying it takes work makes it sound like a chore. But by practicing happiness, as you might yoga or meditation, you can retrain your brain to find the joy in life.
Sure, bad things will still happen, but, overall, you'll be better prepared for them than if you were to live everyday waiting for the worst case scenario.
Think of something that's happened today. How can you reframe it in a way that will not only help you feel better but make future success more likely?
As an example, I got a rejection from a potential editor today where she asked for other ideas. In my years as a freelance journalist, I've become so used to reframing rejection, I don't need to wallow at all. Instead, I'm focusing on pitching her something she'll want to commission next time (this week so the iron's still hot).
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008
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