I watched Penelope (starring Christina Ricci, Reese Witherspoon and James McAvoy) the other day and cried three separate times at its sweet message.
If you don't know the story, Penelope has been born with the snout of a pig due to an ancient family curse and her well-meaning parents have hidden her away to protect her. But after seeing one too many potential suiters flee in terror when she reveals her face, Penelope decides enough is enough and goes out (hiding behind a scarf) to explore.
I don't want to give the ending away but highly recommend this delightful fairy tale for anyone wanting to remind their children (or themselves) that there is so much more to everybody than the way we look.
What could you start accepting about yourself right now to make life so much better? Your weight (as it is right now)? Hair (style / thickness / colour)? Skin?
Next time you start mentally ripping into this poor part of you, take a closer look and appreciate it.
When you stop being your own worst critic, you'll find stress related eating / spots etc. will diminish and because you'll know there's so much more to you that this "flaw", you'll lose the hangup and be free.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Monday 29 September 2008
Thursday 25 September 2008
Watch your language
Not the obvious, but think about the way you explain things to yourself and others. Do you ever say or think things like:
"I always get..."
"then ____ happened..."
"I have to..."
The person saying these things sounds like she or he has absolutely no control over her life.
When you start making your language more active ("I did this...", "I choose to..." and so on), you'll remind yourself that you're in control of your life.
If something's not panning out (passive, again) the way you'd like, think of what you can actively do to make a happier outcome more likely.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
"I always get..."
"then ____ happened..."
"I have to..."
The person saying these things sounds like she or he has absolutely no control over her life.
When you start making your language more active ("I did this...", "I choose to..." and so on), you'll remind yourself that you're in control of your life.
If something's not panning out (passive, again) the way you'd like, think of what you can actively do to make a happier outcome more likely.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Tuesday 23 September 2008
decadent day off
I qualified as an NLP Master Practitioner (INLPTA) on Sunday after nearly a year of training and coursework. Having spent so many weekends working on this and other coaching and writing work, I decided to give myself a day off to celebrate (it's what I get my clients to do, but I completely understand it feeling challenging).
Because I knew I would end up working if I stayed at home and had a pyjama day, I went into London to visit the batting cages at Northwick Park. They're the only ones in the UK and, being 32 rather than, say, 12, it felt ridiculously indulgent to travel all the way across London from Essex, not for a work related meeting or even to meet a friend but to play baseball.
It was completely worth it!!!
I then enjoyed some dim sum and browsed in a stationery superstore (I'll be starting my psychotherapy training next month - any excuse, really) and even walked a little in some woods in London before heading home to change into my pjs, eat chocolates and watch a dvd.
Sure, I checked my BlackBerry for emails at intervals during the day and did the same with voicemail, but it was a decadent day off.
And already, today, I've felt the benefits.
Julia Cameron (author of The Artist's Way and others) recommeds "artist's dates" on a regular basis. She suggests walks in nature, trips to galleries and museums and other soul inspiring activities.
While baseball batting cages probably aren't on her list, it worked for me. I'm definitely going to schedule in soul days on a more regular basis and wake up and let myself do whatever I feel guided to do (matinee cinema? theatre? sea side?).
What would be on your list of things to do if your only criteria was pleasing yourself? How can you make more time to fit this nurturing activities into your life?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Because I knew I would end up working if I stayed at home and had a pyjama day, I went into London to visit the batting cages at Northwick Park. They're the only ones in the UK and, being 32 rather than, say, 12, it felt ridiculously indulgent to travel all the way across London from Essex, not for a work related meeting or even to meet a friend but to play baseball.
It was completely worth it!!!
I then enjoyed some dim sum and browsed in a stationery superstore (I'll be starting my psychotherapy training next month - any excuse, really) and even walked a little in some woods in London before heading home to change into my pjs, eat chocolates and watch a dvd.
Sure, I checked my BlackBerry for emails at intervals during the day and did the same with voicemail, but it was a decadent day off.
And already, today, I've felt the benefits.
Julia Cameron (author of The Artist's Way and others) recommeds "artist's dates" on a regular basis. She suggests walks in nature, trips to galleries and museums and other soul inspiring activities.
While baseball batting cages probably aren't on her list, it worked for me. I'm definitely going to schedule in soul days on a more regular basis and wake up and let myself do whatever I feel guided to do (matinee cinema? theatre? sea side?).
What would be on your list of things to do if your only criteria was pleasing yourself? How can you make more time to fit this nurturing activities into your life?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Thursday 18 September 2008
Low risk ways to handle fear of failure
Many of my clients worry about failure. Some find it so unacceptable, they refuse (at first) to put themselves in any circumstance that may include failure of any kind.
If you feel like this, treat overcoming your fear of failure as you would a goal you were working towards. Break down a big fear (humiliating yourself in front of the entire board during a presentation or meeting at work) into smaller steps until you have a low risk option you can practice (maybe introducing yourself to a neighbour you've never spoken to).
Practice taking chances in low risk ways. If you always watch rom coms or action adventures, experiment with foreign films or thrillers. If you always order the same thing from your favourite takeaway, try something different from their menu. Or try a different takeaway place.
What low risk ways can you think of to help you experiment more and, ultimately, fear failure far less?
1)
2)
3)
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
If you feel like this, treat overcoming your fear of failure as you would a goal you were working towards. Break down a big fear (humiliating yourself in front of the entire board during a presentation or meeting at work) into smaller steps until you have a low risk option you can practice (maybe introducing yourself to a neighbour you've never spoken to).
Practice taking chances in low risk ways. If you always watch rom coms or action adventures, experiment with foreign films or thrillers. If you always order the same thing from your favourite takeaway, try something different from their menu. Or try a different takeaway place.
What low risk ways can you think of to help you experiment more and, ultimately, fear failure far less?
1)
2)
3)
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Monday 15 September 2008
"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave." ~ Mary Tyler Moore
I love the idea of practicing bravery. Even if you don't see yourself as brave in any area of your life, chances are, someone else admires you. You probably know people who stay (mainly) positive even when everything around them seems to be collapsing, people who, after painful break-ups, dust their hearts off and launch into a new relationship, entrepreneurs who want to share their love of a particular kind of work with the world and many other people who demonstrate bravery on a daily basis.
What area of your life would benefit most from your practising bravery? You probably already know the answer. But if you're really stuck, ask a friend if there's anything they notice about the way you live your life where you could maybe play things less safely.
Mistakes help us learn what doesn't work and also show us that it's safe to fail. You've probably heard the old story about the toddler who stood up, took a few steps, fell flat on her face and said "Right, that's it. I'm never doing that again!"
Obviously, that would be a ridiculous approach to life but we often trap ourselves with similar thoughts. Start identifying small steps that may fail but that will also help you grow into the you you want to become...
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
What area of your life would benefit most from your practising bravery? You probably already know the answer. But if you're really stuck, ask a friend if there's anything they notice about the way you live your life where you could maybe play things less safely.
Mistakes help us learn what doesn't work and also show us that it's safe to fail. You've probably heard the old story about the toddler who stood up, took a few steps, fell flat on her face and said "Right, that's it. I'm never doing that again!"
Obviously, that would be a ridiculous approach to life but we often trap ourselves with similar thoughts. Start identifying small steps that may fail but that will also help you grow into the you you want to become...
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.
Thursday 11 September 2008
Choose happiness
I know a few people who seem to believe that being miserable somehow makes them "better" or more intelligent that happy people. But no one is either / or. Sure, a lot is down to temperament, but anyone can choose to become happier.
Think about the things you're focusing your attention on. If you're feeling down, is watching the sensationalised news going to make you feel better or might it increase your feelings of helplessness and despair?
Are there people in your life who literally suck the life right out of you? Known as "energy vampires" they get away with it because you let them. For some people, ending relationships and friendships feels necessary but in most situations, you just have to set new boundaries.
Next time conversation shifts to criticism (of you or the world in general), experiment with phrases that let them know you're no longer willing to take on their misery and judgement.
It will take a concerted effort on your part but keep going and you'll find your happiness muscles get stronger every day...
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Think about the things you're focusing your attention on. If you're feeling down, is watching the sensationalised news going to make you feel better or might it increase your feelings of helplessness and despair?
Are there people in your life who literally suck the life right out of you? Known as "energy vampires" they get away with it because you let them. For some people, ending relationships and friendships feels necessary but in most situations, you just have to set new boundaries.
Next time conversation shifts to criticism (of you or the world in general), experiment with phrases that let them know you're no longer willing to take on their misery and judgement.
It will take a concerted effort on your part but keep going and you'll find your happiness muscles get stronger every day...
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Monday 8 September 2008
Celebrate
It's my 4th business birthday tomorrow. For months, I've had the day marked as "celebrate!!"
But now, due to deadlines and appointments, I won't be taking the whole day off. Still, I'm definitely going to mark this. Rushing from one target / deadline / client to the next without ever stopping to (cheesy as it sounds) appreciate life can lead to burnout.
When was the last time you rewarded your efforts with some time out? Think about the coming week. What's your biggest project? How can you incorporate some celebration time into your schedule to reward yourself when you complete it?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
But now, due to deadlines and appointments, I won't be taking the whole day off. Still, I'm definitely going to mark this. Rushing from one target / deadline / client to the next without ever stopping to (cheesy as it sounds) appreciate life can lead to burnout.
When was the last time you rewarded your efforts with some time out? Think about the coming week. What's your biggest project? How can you incorporate some celebration time into your schedule to reward yourself when you complete it?
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Thursday 4 September 2008
Would you lie about your age? (Psychologies magazine, October 2009)
I took part in a debate for Psychologies magazine (October 2008) about lying about your age. To read the full feature, please click here http://www.articlesbyevemenezescunningham.co.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/psychologiesage.pdf
Personally speaking, I don't really understand why anyone would want to. I'm 32 and, when people have assumed I'm younger, instead of being flattered, I've felt a surge of relief that I've got through the age they thought I was and I don't have to repeat anything. I figure the older we get (assuming we still have our health), the better we know ourselves and what works for us. We can create the kind of life that will suit us.
I also think that looking older is a natural part of life from the moment we're born so I'd much rather put my energy into living than "fighting age" - a losing and pointless battle. I look forward to getting older. I admire women and men who become more confident in themselves with each passing year. (When I recently bought a new foundation, I found it quite frustrating trying to wade through all the anti aging options when I just wanted a basic foundation with as few chemicals as possible.)
Then again, the work I do (writing and confidence coaching) isn't dependent on my looks. Perhaps if I worked in an industry where I routinely saw younger women getting the limited opportunities while older women vanished, I'd be more tempted. I have grown up very aware of the discrepancy between women aging and men aging (e.g. knowing that Tom Hanks and Sally Field played each other's love interests in Punch Line only for her to be cast as his mother shortly afterwards in Forrest Gump).
Lying about your age can make you look older. I recently saw an actor I thought I recognised from my year at school in a magazine. She had the same name and looked like the same person but was claiming to be 28. I mentioned it to another old school friend and she laughed at me saying it was her but that she was lying about her age. She's a beautiful woman of 32 but by saying she's 28, she's putting an awful lot of pressure on herself to look younger. Then again, she might not have been cast if they'd known her real age.
With a potential partner, boss or even stranger, I'd much rather focus on things other than my age. I don't think I'd be judging other people based on how old I thought they looked. The way people behave is much more important. And I can think of countless women who are amazing role models for aging powerfully and gracefully (becoming more and more themselves and no longer worrying so much about what the world might be thinking about them).
If someone were to meet a potential partner, future boss or even stranger and they lied about their age, I imagine they'd spend much more energy (and create lots of extra stress) trying to keep up the act rather than focusing on being good at their job or a good partner.
If you're concerned about aging and wanted to lie about it, ask yourself why.
What benefit do you think lying will give you?
How else might you create that same benefit without being dishonest?
So if a client was worried about looking older than they were, we could look into the kind of lifestyle choices they were making and see how different choices would make them happier and, as a by-product, take years off.
Or if they were worried about health, I'd find out what specifically was bothering them and how they could strengthen their body in the meantime to make, e.g. osteoporosis, less like (join a gym, do yoga and other weight bearing exercises, get more calcium and vitamin d etc.).
Everyone has different reasons for things and while many people might feel compelled to lie about their ages, dig deeper. Why would you prefer people to think you are that age? What does your current age prevent you from doing? How else can you get around it without acting as if the year on your birth certificate is something you've done wrong, somehow?
The anti-aging industry is so powerful, people assume that every woman wants to look younger (not true). So, for someone who wants to meet a man and is being paired up with septogenarians when they're decades younger, ask yourself what kind of man you would like to meet and where you're most likely to meet someone like that. Don't let a sexist / age-ist agency make you feel bad when you've got absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about.
You can sign up for weekly Be Confident from your Core tips straight to your inbox at http://www.applecoaching.com/. And if you'd like to read previous newsletters, they're now available online at http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs075/1101656191861/archive/1102226859836.html
Personally speaking, I don't really understand why anyone would want to. I'm 32 and, when people have assumed I'm younger, instead of being flattered, I've felt a surge of relief that I've got through the age they thought I was and I don't have to repeat anything. I figure the older we get (assuming we still have our health), the better we know ourselves and what works for us. We can create the kind of life that will suit us.
I also think that looking older is a natural part of life from the moment we're born so I'd much rather put my energy into living than "fighting age" - a losing and pointless battle. I look forward to getting older. I admire women and men who become more confident in themselves with each passing year. (When I recently bought a new foundation, I found it quite frustrating trying to wade through all the anti aging options when I just wanted a basic foundation with as few chemicals as possible.)
Then again, the work I do (writing and confidence coaching) isn't dependent on my looks. Perhaps if I worked in an industry where I routinely saw younger women getting the limited opportunities while older women vanished, I'd be more tempted. I have grown up very aware of the discrepancy between women aging and men aging (e.g. knowing that Tom Hanks and Sally Field played each other's love interests in Punch Line only for her to be cast as his mother shortly afterwards in Forrest Gump).
Lying about your age can make you look older. I recently saw an actor I thought I recognised from my year at school in a magazine. She had the same name and looked like the same person but was claiming to be 28. I mentioned it to another old school friend and she laughed at me saying it was her but that she was lying about her age. She's a beautiful woman of 32 but by saying she's 28, she's putting an awful lot of pressure on herself to look younger. Then again, she might not have been cast if they'd known her real age.
With a potential partner, boss or even stranger, I'd much rather focus on things other than my age. I don't think I'd be judging other people based on how old I thought they looked. The way people behave is much more important. And I can think of countless women who are amazing role models for aging powerfully and gracefully (becoming more and more themselves and no longer worrying so much about what the world might be thinking about them).
If someone were to meet a potential partner, future boss or even stranger and they lied about their age, I imagine they'd spend much more energy (and create lots of extra stress) trying to keep up the act rather than focusing on being good at their job or a good partner.
If you're concerned about aging and wanted to lie about it, ask yourself why.
What benefit do you think lying will give you?
How else might you create that same benefit without being dishonest?
So if a client was worried about looking older than they were, we could look into the kind of lifestyle choices they were making and see how different choices would make them happier and, as a by-product, take years off.
Or if they were worried about health, I'd find out what specifically was bothering them and how they could strengthen their body in the meantime to make, e.g. osteoporosis, less like (join a gym, do yoga and other weight bearing exercises, get more calcium and vitamin d etc.).
Everyone has different reasons for things and while many people might feel compelled to lie about their ages, dig deeper. Why would you prefer people to think you are that age? What does your current age prevent you from doing? How else can you get around it without acting as if the year on your birth certificate is something you've done wrong, somehow?
The anti-aging industry is so powerful, people assume that every woman wants to look younger (not true). So, for someone who wants to meet a man and is being paired up with septogenarians when they're decades younger, ask yourself what kind of man you would like to meet and where you're most likely to meet someone like that. Don't let a sexist / age-ist agency make you feel bad when you've got absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about.
You can sign up for weekly Be Confident from your Core tips straight to your inbox at http://www.applecoaching.com/. And if you'd like to read previous newsletters, they're now available online at http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs075/1101656191861/archive/1102226859836.html
Monday 1 September 2008
Secret ambitions
Someone asked me today if I'd ever had a secret ambition. I promptly answered that I'd love to be a rock star like Alicia Keys or James Hetfield (Metallica) but currently only sing out loud when I know for a fact that all my neighbours are out.
My other secret ambition (to be a writer) is how I make my living (writing and coaching since 2004) so that feels great.
I love the question. A secret ambition. A completely free pass for another aspect of your personality to grow and develop...
What's your secret ambition?
Can you imagine ever making it a reality? (I coached myself into my freelance writing career after training as a life coach.)
Or is it something you're happy to just smile when you contemplate it? (I wouldn't really want to be a rock star. I just love the idea of being that kind of extraverted soul.)
What can you start doing to bring your secret ambition to life? (E.g. singing at the top of your lungs when you have the privacy and space / brushing up on your science to see if it's worth training to be a doctor / doing a short run to see if you can imagine yourself training hard enough to complete a marathon?)
I'd love to hear how you get on. You can email me at eve@applecoaching.com
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
My other secret ambition (to be a writer) is how I make my living (writing and coaching since 2004) so that feels great.
I love the question. A secret ambition. A completely free pass for another aspect of your personality to grow and develop...
What's your secret ambition?
Can you imagine ever making it a reality? (I coached myself into my freelance writing career after training as a life coach.)
Or is it something you're happy to just smile when you contemplate it? (I wouldn't really want to be a rock star. I just love the idea of being that kind of extraverted soul.)
What can you start doing to bring your secret ambition to life? (E.g. singing at the top of your lungs when you have the privacy and space / brushing up on your science to see if it's worth training to be a doctor / doing a short run to see if you can imagine yourself training hard enough to complete a marathon?)
I'd love to hear how you get on. You can email me at eve@applecoaching.com
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
