OK, so I watched the pilot of Eastwick (an update from the Updike novel and film starring Cher, Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfieffer) last night.
Their wishes were granted after throwing coins into a fountain and while it all seems very contrived (though enjoyably glossy and escapist fun), it got me thinking.
Wishes seems frivolous. Lazy. Superstitious.
And yet, allowing ourselves to acknowledge what we want as if we could use magic to get it frees up our minds enough to admit things we wouldn't normally allow ourselves to dwell on.
Think about it. If you knew you could have anything in the world, what would you wish for?
World peace?
A cure for AIDS?
An amazing relationship?
Your children's futures to be secure and happy?
Kids?
An amazing book deal?
Business success?
List as many outlandish things as you can think of. Then ask yourself which "wishes" you're prepared to work towards.
What first step can you take today?
Wednesday 25 November 2009
Friday 20 November 2009
Singing in public
I enjoyed being part of Sadie's radio show again today (you can listen by clicking here and choosing Friday, 20th November, noon to 1pm - http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/mainframe.shtml?http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/essex.shtml).
But as well as the topics (whether cheats ever prosper and Jordan in the jungle), I learned that, for a confidence coach, I'm still pretty shy.
Sadie and Lynette (the other guest) burst into song at a moment's notice. I thought about joining in but only eventually coaxed myself to sing in a lower key, harmonies rather than the actual song.
I love singing. When I was a kid, I sang a lot but somehow, lost my voice. In the past year or so (especially since starting to work so much with psychosynthesis), I've been singing much more - on my bike, walking along the street (as long as it's either deserted or so hectic that the roar of traffic etc. will drown me out), in the bath etc. Even at home, I prefer to let rip when I'm pretty sure my neighbours are out (though I am getting a bit braver.)
Is there something you love to do but hold back on? When I want to sing and stop myself, I feel like I'm being physically restrained. Do you ever get that feeling?
Maybe it's when you want to voice a different opinion in a conversation / meeting or you stop yourself dancing even when you love the music... Think about how you hold yourself back and don't express yourself fully.
I'm going to:
1) sing around my home AT LEAST once a day - as loud as I want, no holds barred (I can feel my anxiety levels rise as I type this!)
2) not chicken out next time I want to sing in public
3) stop expecting perfection. I'm no Ella Fitzgerald, Patsy Cline, Linda Perry, Courtney Love or Cerys Matthews (and many more musical heroes) but singing along to them makes me happy and I plan on doing more of it.
What steps are you going to take?
Feel free to email me - I'd love to hear :)
But as well as the topics (whether cheats ever prosper and Jordan in the jungle), I learned that, for a confidence coach, I'm still pretty shy.
Sadie and Lynette (the other guest) burst into song at a moment's notice. I thought about joining in but only eventually coaxed myself to sing in a lower key, harmonies rather than the actual song.
I love singing. When I was a kid, I sang a lot but somehow, lost my voice. In the past year or so (especially since starting to work so much with psychosynthesis), I've been singing much more - on my bike, walking along the street (as long as it's either deserted or so hectic that the roar of traffic etc. will drown me out), in the bath etc. Even at home, I prefer to let rip when I'm pretty sure my neighbours are out (though I am getting a bit braver.)
Is there something you love to do but hold back on? When I want to sing and stop myself, I feel like I'm being physically restrained. Do you ever get that feeling?
Maybe it's when you want to voice a different opinion in a conversation / meeting or you stop yourself dancing even when you love the music... Think about how you hold yourself back and don't express yourself fully.
I'm going to:
1) sing around my home AT LEAST once a day - as loud as I want, no holds barred (I can feel my anxiety levels rise as I type this!)
2) not chicken out next time I want to sing in public
3) stop expecting perfection. I'm no Ella Fitzgerald, Patsy Cline, Linda Perry, Courtney Love or Cerys Matthews (and many more musical heroes) but singing along to them makes me happy and I plan on doing more of it.
What steps are you going to take?
Feel free to email me - I'd love to hear :)
Monday 16 November 2009
Raise your expectations
"You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them." - Michael Jordan
What do you expect from yourself?
If you're a parent, how do you encourage your kids to be their best?
How can you encourage and coach yourself? Not in a bullying kind of way but how can you use your self knowledge to support and motivate yourself?
What kind of things have you been wary about expecting from yourself?
Why are you talking yourself out of things before even trying?
How can you learn from things that haven't worked out perfectly to make this attempt more likely to succeed?
If it doesn't work out, be gentle with yourself before trying again but don't let yourself - or anyone else - talk you into giving up on yourself by not even trying...
What do you expect from yourself?
If you're a parent, how do you encourage your kids to be their best?
How can you encourage and coach yourself? Not in a bullying kind of way but how can you use your self knowledge to support and motivate yourself?
What kind of things have you been wary about expecting from yourself?
Why are you talking yourself out of things before even trying?
How can you learn from things that haven't worked out perfectly to make this attempt more likely to succeed?
If it doesn't work out, be gentle with yourself before trying again but don't let yourself - or anyone else - talk you into giving up on yourself by not even trying...
Friday 13 November 2009
Happy World Kindness Day!
To celebrate, think about the day ahead. Be open to chances to be kind.
Whether it's listening to someone tell a story they've told you a gazillion times before, agreeing to take a couple of tourists' photo, smiling at people in the street, giving up your seat on the train or bus or anything else, think about what you can do today to make the world a little kinder.
Don't forget to be kind to yourself, too.
If someone's trying to help you, don't automatically refuse them. If there are things you haven't done, rather than beat yourself up about it, ask yourself (kindly) what would help you take that next step.
By slowing down just a little, you'll notice all sorts of ways to be a little kinder, accept others' kindess to you and enjoy life more.
Whether it's listening to someone tell a story they've told you a gazillion times before, agreeing to take a couple of tourists' photo, smiling at people in the street, giving up your seat on the train or bus or anything else, think about what you can do today to make the world a little kinder.
Don't forget to be kind to yourself, too.
If someone's trying to help you, don't automatically refuse them. If there are things you haven't done, rather than beat yourself up about it, ask yourself (kindly) what would help you take that next step.
By slowing down just a little, you'll notice all sorts of ways to be a little kinder, accept others' kindess to you and enjoy life more.
Monday 9 November 2009
A world in which women easily accept compliments
I love Bones (Sky1) for many reasons. One is that it's the only programme I can think of filled with confident women.
On Thursday's episode alone:
. Cam compliment Angela on her work. Angela said, "I know, right?" (reminding me a little of Rachel Weisz's response to a guy on the dancefloor asking her, "Aren't you Cleopatra? Queen of the Nile?" "How observant you are!) in Land Girls).
. Sweets tells Daisy she's brilliant and she replies, "Certainly well above average. OK, brilliant."
And then Bones herself took it to a whole new level when Boothe's boss hopes she's happy with Boothe and told he's the best. Boothe said, "Oh, I don't know about that". Bones said, "I agree. That statement is impossible to quantify since there are no other agents partnered with forensic anthropologists, let alone one with my capabilities."
I'm a confidence coach and still have to force myself to accept compliments on a regular basis.
If you struggle (and it's not just women) to say (and mean) something like, "Why, thank you!" ask yourself why.
Do you disbelieve what the person is telling you?
Do you secretly believe them but worry that you'd look conceited if you acknowledge the fact that you know what they've noticed about yourself?
Men and women, take inspiration from the characters in Bones. Know your strengths and acknowledge them.
Even if, for a while, you simply imagine yourself responding in a different way, practice and you'll get there...
On Thursday's episode alone:
. Cam compliment Angela on her work. Angela said, "I know, right?" (reminding me a little of Rachel Weisz's response to a guy on the dancefloor asking her, "Aren't you Cleopatra? Queen of the Nile?" "How observant you are!) in Land Girls).
. Sweets tells Daisy she's brilliant and she replies, "Certainly well above average. OK, brilliant."
And then Bones herself took it to a whole new level when Boothe's boss hopes she's happy with Boothe and told he's the best. Boothe said, "Oh, I don't know about that". Bones said, "I agree. That statement is impossible to quantify since there are no other agents partnered with forensic anthropologists, let alone one with my capabilities."
I'm a confidence coach and still have to force myself to accept compliments on a regular basis.
If you struggle (and it's not just women) to say (and mean) something like, "Why, thank you!" ask yourself why.
Do you disbelieve what the person is telling you?
Do you secretly believe them but worry that you'd look conceited if you acknowledge the fact that you know what they've noticed about yourself?
Men and women, take inspiration from the characters in Bones. Know your strengths and acknowledge them.
Even if, for a while, you simply imagine yourself responding in a different way, practice and you'll get there...
Tuesday 3 November 2009
Are you telling yourself the truth about your situation
I (finally) watched Changeling last night. Based on a true story, it's one of the most horrific films I've ever seen (so many nightmare scenarios in it, almost implausible yet true).
But Christine Collins (Angelina Jolie) is also a huge inspiration. She reports her son missing and is told by police she has to wait 24 hours before they can look into it.
Then they find him, 5 months later, only it's not him. She keeps telling them he's not her son (he's shorter and has other big differences) but they say things like "His identity has been confirmed by the best minds in the field of child identification."
She's his mother!!!
I won't give any more away but it's an excellent, if harrowing, film.
While it's unlikely that any of us will face similarly surreal situations, we've all had times when we've known something while others have tried to convince us that we're wrong, purple is green.
It may have been a:
. partner swearing s/he is being honest when you KNOW something is off?
. client promising that overdue payment is on it's way?
. boss insisting all is well with the company you work for and you'll soon be back to staff levels that don't stretch you beyond your limits?
How do you react when you know you're being lied to?
Do you ever lie to yourself? (Trying to pretend things are OK when something has to change?)
Christine Collins stayed true to herself and what she knew to be true in spite of police, doctors and others trying to bully and threaten her into acquiescence.
What can you start doing differently today to face your situation honestly and courageously?
Is it too much for you to handle alone? Who might be able to support you through this?
But Christine Collins (Angelina Jolie) is also a huge inspiration. She reports her son missing and is told by police she has to wait 24 hours before they can look into it.
Then they find him, 5 months later, only it's not him. She keeps telling them he's not her son (he's shorter and has other big differences) but they say things like "His identity has been confirmed by the best minds in the field of child identification."
She's his mother!!!
I won't give any more away but it's an excellent, if harrowing, film.
While it's unlikely that any of us will face similarly surreal situations, we've all had times when we've known something while others have tried to convince us that we're wrong, purple is green.
It may have been a:
. partner swearing s/he is being honest when you KNOW something is off?
. client promising that overdue payment is on it's way?
. boss insisting all is well with the company you work for and you'll soon be back to staff levels that don't stretch you beyond your limits?
How do you react when you know you're being lied to?
Do you ever lie to yourself? (Trying to pretend things are OK when something has to change?)
Christine Collins stayed true to herself and what she knew to be true in spite of police, doctors and others trying to bully and threaten her into acquiescence.
What can you start doing differently today to face your situation honestly and courageously?
Is it too much for you to handle alone? Who might be able to support you through this?
Monday 2 November 2009
Let your actions speak louder than your words
Research from New York University shows that talking about goals before you've reached them can actually set you back.
Apparently, chatting about them can make us lazy, as if we've already done the hard work needed to get there.
So next time you want to announce a big goal (from quitting smoking or another bad habit to writing a book / getting a new job / starting a business / moving house), consider keeping it to yourself for just a little while longer.
It's not about staying completely quiet, just let your actions speak louder than your words. Spend that time you might have chattered about it writing chapter after chapter / applying for new jobs / researching the housing market / learning any additional skills for your new business.
Save the bubbly for your launch! You can tell everyone how you did it then.
Apparently, chatting about them can make us lazy, as if we've already done the hard work needed to get there.
So next time you want to announce a big goal (from quitting smoking or another bad habit to writing a book / getting a new job / starting a business / moving house), consider keeping it to yourself for just a little while longer.
It's not about staying completely quiet, just let your actions speak louder than your words. Spend that time you might have chattered about it writing chapter after chapter / applying for new jobs / researching the housing market / learning any additional skills for your new business.
Save the bubbly for your launch! You can tell everyone how you did it then.
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