Attempting to compete with fictional characters (again)

I'm still in shock after catching up on some CSIs... Laurence Fishburn's character, Ray, is not only a trainee CSI, but a former Professor of Criminology and Medical Doctor (Barbara Sher, author of What do I do when I want to do everything? would love him!).

And even though the so-called Las Vegas nightshift seem to be on duty in daylight as well as neon, Ray spends the moments he has off work doing pro bono medical work for a free clinic.

And I'd been impressed by Mac (in CSI:NY) with his crazy work hours but apparent daily morning swim in the most beautiful natural pool I've ever seen - wanted to go to New York just to swim there...

If they (fictional as they are) can fit so much into their days, I can certainly make time, every single day, for some meditation.

It always helps me feel better, calmer, more focused, serene and more. Yet I often think "I don't have time!"

What do you wish you could make more time for?

You're the scriptwriter for your own life - how can you make it happen?

Looking for the best in people

"The most effective way to achieve right relations with any living thing is to look for the best in it, and then help that best into the fullest expression" - J. Allen Boone

Sounds great in theory but it can be pretty challenging, when angry, irritated or hurt by someone, to focus on their good points.

Still, when you succeed, it really does help shift things.

Whether it's someone at home, at work or even an acquaintance, before hurtling down that "Aghhh, and another thing...!" spiral, think about the things they're good at, kind things they've done, times they've made you laugh or helped you out...

How are you training people to treat you?

Setting boundaries can be hard.

We all want to be liked so can easily ignore people intruding in different ways (expecting free childcare / you to pick up their slack at work / noisy neighbours / people who just won't get off the phone and so on) until it makes you want to scream.

Think about your life right now.

Look at different areas and list all the people who are annoying you. They may be at home, at work or even at the gym but list every annoyance.

What do these people and their treatment of you have in common?

Are you great at setting boundaries for your children but a pushover in the office (or the other way round)?

Are you assertive with strangers but unable to say what you need to the people you love the most? (This is pretty common - the more we care about someone, the more we fear losing them so we hold stuff back).

Think of small steps you can start taking right now to make little changes and build up until you've trained everyone in your life that you're worth treating with respect and kindness.

Will power

Do you ever plow right ahead, bulldozing anything in your way (including objections you have yourself) in an effort to get things done?

Whether you're ignoring the cold water on your toes and jumping into the icy waters regardless or pushing full steam ahead even though people around you are trying to suggest there may be a better way, taking a moment to check in can save you lots of time and energy.

Getting feedback from other people might bring up possibilities you'd not considered. Even meditating or spending a little time away from your office / laptop / relationships (whichever situation is in danger of being plowed through) can be enough to bring some inspiration.

Think about all your options.

You might reach your goal much faster as well as having a far more enjoyable journey before you get there.

It'll get easier

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier - not that the nature of the task has changed but an ability to do it has increased" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you're learning something or going through any sort of emotional growth spurt, it can feel like it's never going to get easier.

Then, suddenly, you stop having to put so much effort and energy into the smallest steps.

If you're finding something hard right now, take a moment to remember things you've become better at handling in the past.

It might have been starting a new job, learning a new skill or creating a new habit.

If you go back far enough, you'll remember the concentration and persistance it took just to learn how to stand upright and walk (toddlers never give up).

One day you'll find doing what you're doing suddenly feels really easy.

And before you know it, you'll be looking out for your next challenge.

Letting people help

I (finally) got my bike breaks fixed last week (it had taken longer and longer to slow down and when I tried someone else's, their breaks worked so efficiently, I nearly went over the handlebars).

As it was a matter of getting the bike there by train, I booked it in for a day when I had other meetings fairly nearby.

Unfortunately, when I arrived, they had no record of my week old call making the booking. And they said they couldn't fit it in.

Feeling a little panicked (how could I keep my bike safe in various areas when I'd booked it in over night to avoid this problem) the person asked what was wrong and fixed the breaks for me.

This saved me about £50 on the service fee I'd been braced to pay but I was worried about the bike staying safe.

I popped into a nearby restaurant to grab some food before my next meeting and inexplicably answered a waiter's question with my bike concerns (completely unrelated to what I was eating etc.).

Rather than backing away slowly at my strange ramblings, he offered to keep the bike for me overnight in their locked storage area.

What a star!

I picked it up the next day and still feel hugely grateful (and a bit bewildered) that I expressed my concern so quickly to a complete stranger and they were able and willing to help.

Is there something that's worrying you?

Is it something you could be more open about in case someone completely unexpected can help?

Do people know how to help you?

I find it hard to ask for help. But I also know that people love helping.

I get a buzz when I'm able to help other people so surely it's selfish to want to deprive others of that buzz by being so self sufficient (I wish) that I never needed any help?

What areas of your life do you find it easy to ask for help? (Delegating at work? Asking friends, family and neighbours for a favour?)

What areas do you find it hard to admit you even contemplate needing help in? (With your kids? A new job? Being back at work after sick leave?)

If you find it really challenging to ask for help, at least be more conscious about the areas you could use more support in.

Contemplate going slow. You don't have to openly ask for help, just let people know what you're thinking about.

For example, if you've been made redundant, rather than telling people you're looking for work, think about the kind of work you'd really enjoy.

Get used to telling people you're looking for a job and would love something involving theatre / with animals / with something to do with travelling.

It's only an extra few words, you're not actually asking anyone for help but you're putting it out there a little more. Who knows, someone you talk to may know of something you'd be perfect for.

However hard you find asking other people, by being as clear as possible about what you'd like (in any given situation, even just with yourself), it will be easier to let some of that support in.

Do you want to be happy?

"The key to happiness is the decision to be happy" – Marianne Williamson

It can sound simplistic (why would anyone choose not to be happy?) but think about it:

Do you ever hold onto grudges when letting go would make you happier?

Do you ever feel angry when people don't do things the way you think they should do them?

Do you ever feel resentful when someone you've tried to help doesn't even say Thank you?

When someone hurts you, do you ever find it hard to let go and, instead, think about it over and over and over?

There are all sorts of choices that breed misery rather than happiness.

When I remember to choose the reactions that will make me happier, it really does shift things.

Like yesterday. The sun was shining, the birds were singing but rather than enjoying it, I was wishing the neighbours would enjoy summer more quietly!! When I was able to laugh at my control-freakery and accept that we all have different needs, my Sunday became much more relaxing.