Are you a highly sensitive person?

Since I was little, I've occassionally been called things like "over-sensitive", "very emotional" and other labels that make me sound anxious and neurotic.

Through my training and experience as a coach (and, as I've got older) I've learned more and more ways to handle it. There are all sorts of ways to make things fun instead of feeling like life's an endurance test.

I'll still cry at anything: music that sounds so amazing tears stream down my face, a lovely film, walking past a book in a library or bookstore that made me cry when I read it, something really sad on Home & Away (I know, the fact that I still watch it is pretty sad in itself), even reading the name Rachel Corrie sets me off again.

I'm also extremely sensitive to noise, smells, tastes, light etc. So when I heard about the Highly Sensitive Person (do the test here), I breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, when the endless sounds of the ice cream van (it's raining, the nieghbourhood kids are on holiday, no one's coming out!!!) make me want to scream, I can shrug and remind myself that it's nothing personal.

And that an early night and scheduling in more breaks and "me time" will make me less cranky.

What can you do for yourself to counter sensory overload in your life or work?

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Remind yourself that you're in charge of your own life and that there are always things you can do (even if that means wearing earplugs or shades in January).

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.

Stop trying to fit the wrong mould

Jennifer Lopez told Easy Living magazine that she remembered an early manager telling her she should lose weight. What do you think her response was?

a) Losing weight and becoming less energetic (and thus less able to push forward with her dreams)?
b) Sacking him but internalising his negative message that she was somehow (at a slim size 10) too much for the world? or
c) Figuring that "Anybody who could be so stupid as to say, 'You have to fit into this mould or you can't make it' is really short-sighted"?

(If you haven't guessed, her response was c.)

Has anybody ever told you that you couldn't do something because of something that shouldn't hold you back? Paul McCartney famously couldn't read music yet he and John Lennon were prolific.

Create your own mould. If you don't yet know what this is, give it some thought now. What do you like about yourself?

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How can you emphasise these qualities, characteristics and skills?

Start valuing your unique contributions and perspectives. The more you appreciate yourself, the more others will follow.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.

Are you carrying too much emotional baggage? Lighten up in stages

Is there an area of life that you keep trying to suppress? Trying to pack these unwanted emotions away is like extra baggage in a suitcase that even sitting on top of won't close. It will weigh you down.

I know it's easier said than done... "Let it go", "Move on", "Forgive and forget" sound simple enough. And yet, very few people manage to release all unhelpful feelings, attachments and general baggage.

The Brahma Kumaris' (www.bkwsu.org/uk/welcome) Dadi Janki escaped violence and abuse but fled to safety and, now in her 90s, still travels the world spreading her message of peace, love and non-attachment.

Imagine yourself letting go off that row / heartbreak / betrayal and the feelings of lightness that will follow.

I'm not yet able to release everything but by choosing to get rid of what I can, I'm heading in the right direction. Be gentle with yourself and take small steps into a genuinely lighter life.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.

Feel more confident at parties and events

Marie Claire magazine is celebrating its 20th birthday this month and lots of its staff are sharing their tips.

Editor Marie O'Riordon's was the most surprising. When she needs a confidence boost when attending events alone, she channels fictitious figures like Carrie Bradshaw.

Next time you're worried about going to that works do / wedding / large family gathering / impromptu party, remind yourself that:

1) everyone has felt similarly nervous about something
2) you can still have a really enjoyable time
3) there are countless fictitious characters you can choose from to help the event go more smoothly for you.

Don't live your life on the sidelines. Enjoy!!

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.

Are you nearly there yet?

Watching Little Manhattan (very sweet film) and seeing Bradley Whitford (The West Wing and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) reminded me of an article I read about him and his wife, Jane Kaczmarek a while back.

Turns out that both were really struggling and it had got to the point where one or both of them was going to give up there acting dreams in order to bring in some money for the family.

Then, within one week, Bradley landed the part of Josh Lyman in The West Wing and Jane landed the part of Lois in Malcolm in the Middle.

Imagine if either of them had given up!!!! Both have gone on to win numerous awards and fans and every time I see them on screen I smile thinking "Yay! They didn't quit!"

Is there a dream you're close to giving up on?

What would you do to make it a reality if you knew for sure that there was no way you could fail?

Go for it!!!

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.

Are you trying to breathe for other people?

Watching Grey's Anatomy last week, I felt sorry for Derek and Meredith. He told her he loved her but couldn't keep breathing for her (he spent an hour literally breathing for her after pulling her from the water a few weeks ago. He thinks she should have swum harder and is questioning her will to live).

So in their case, he literally has been breathing for her.

As a coach, I have to be careful not to try to breathe for my clients. Sometimes, I believe in them more than they seem to believe in themselves. But with coaching, you have to be motivated to make the changes to your life, behaviour, beliefs and so on yourself. I can support my clients but I can't do their share of the work for them.

Are there instances in your life when you know you are attempting to breathe for other people? I know a woman who, after many years of marriage, agreed to move with her husband to his homeland (he emigrated here decades ago). Rather than him making the arrangements, she's ending up talking him into his own dream! He's come around but it sounds like a very strange scenario.

List all the people you've ever wanted to breathe for:

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How can you practice taking a step back? Not abandoning anyone. But letting them know you're there for help while encouraging them to help themselves? Empowering rather than saving them...

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2008.

Clutter v. minimalism

Albert Einstein apparently said "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk?"

I love my desk. As well as my trusty laptop, I'm surrounded by my diary (aka my brain), a cow toast rack I use for receipts, a large red plastic apple I use to contain small items (some might call them clutter) and a mug for pens etc. I also have a little wooden Namaste (Hindu for "the Divine within me greets the Divine within you") prayer hand carving and some post it notes with a large citrine crystal as a paperweight.

This is perfect for me but I know lots of people who'd consider it cluttered. Equally, I know many people (and have coached many clients on clutter clearing issues) who can barely access their keyboards let alone see what the desk looks like beneath their things.

Ultimately, it's whatever works best for you. If you like the idea of being more minimalist, experiment with it. See what you can put away. What do you use everyday? Can you put less needed items out of site but still easily accessible?

Might your desk actually benefit from more personal touches? What would motivate and inspire you as you sit and work? Pictures of your family or friends? A funny cartoon?

Experiment with it and find your perfect way of working...

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.

Just do it

"When you're frightened, don't sit still, keep on doing something. The act of doing will give you back your courage" - Grace Ogot

It sounds simple. But how many times have you withdrawn into fear and anxiety instead of forging forward?

Many of my writer clients (and myself, too, when I'm wearing my freelance writer hat!) have benefitted from choosing action over inaction. Yes, it's tempting sometimes to wallow and wait for a response from that editor / agent / publisher.

But when you start working on your next idea and getting that one out there, it's much easier to pick up momentum.

And whether that first editor gets back to you with a commission or not, you'll be much more likely to get other commissions by taking action.

Think about your own line of work. How can you anticipate times of fear by giving yourself a default action to do? Something fairly simple that you can take action on even when you're feeling a little wobbly?

Go for it!

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2008.