Would you lie about your age? (Psychologies magazine, October 2009)

I took part in a debate for Psychologies magazine (October 2008) about lying about your age. To read the full feature, please click here http://www.articlesbyevemenezescunningham.co.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/psychologiesage.pdf

Personally speaking, I don't really understand why anyone would want to. I'm 32 and, when people have assumed I'm younger, instead of being flattered, I've felt a surge of relief that I've got through the age they thought I was and I don't have to repeat anything. I figure the older we get (assuming we still have our health), the better we know ourselves and what works for us. We can create the kind of life that will suit us.

I also think that looking older is a natural part of life from the moment we're born so I'd much rather put my energy into living than "fighting age" - a losing and pointless battle. I look forward to getting older. I admire women and men who become more confident in themselves with each passing year. (When I recently bought a new foundation, I found it quite frustrating trying to wade through all the anti aging options when I just wanted a basic foundation with as few chemicals as possible.)

Then again, the work I do (writing and confidence coaching) isn't dependent on my looks. Perhaps if I worked in an industry where I routinely saw younger women getting the limited opportunities while older women vanished, I'd be more tempted. I have grown up very aware of the discrepancy between women aging and men aging (e.g. knowing that Tom Hanks and Sally Field played each other's love interests in Punch Line only for her to be cast as his mother shortly afterwards in Forrest Gump).

Lying about your age can make you look older. I recently saw an actor I thought I recognised from my year at school in a magazine. She had the same name and looked like the same person but was claiming to be 28. I mentioned it to another old school friend and she laughed at me saying it was her but that she was lying about her age. She's a beautiful woman of 32 but by saying she's 28, she's putting an awful lot of pressure on herself to look younger. Then again, she might not have been cast if they'd known her real age.

With a potential partner, boss or even stranger, I'd much rather focus on things other than my age. I don't think I'd be judging other people based on how old I thought they looked. The way people behave is much more important. And I can think of countless women who are amazing role models for aging powerfully and gracefully (becoming more and more themselves and no longer worrying so much about what the world might be thinking about them).

If someone were to meet a potential partner, future boss or even stranger and they lied about their age, I imagine they'd spend much more energy (and create lots of extra stress) trying to keep up the act rather than focusing on being good at their job or a good partner.

If you're concerned about aging and wanted to lie about it, ask yourself why.

What benefit do you think lying will give you?

How else might you create that same benefit without being dishonest?

So if a client was worried about looking older than they were, we could look into the kind of lifestyle choices they were making and see how different choices would make them happier and, as a by-product, take years off.

Or if they were worried about health, I'd find out what specifically was bothering them and how they could strengthen their body in the meantime to make, e.g. osteoporosis, less like (join a gym, do yoga and other weight bearing exercises, get more calcium and vitamin d etc.).

Everyone has different reasons for things and while many people might feel compelled to lie about their ages, dig deeper. Why would you prefer people to think you are that age? What does your current age prevent you from doing? How else can you get around it without acting as if the year on your birth certificate is something you've done wrong, somehow?

The anti-aging industry is so powerful, people assume that every woman wants to look younger (not true). So, for someone who wants to meet a man and is being paired up with septogenarians when they're decades younger, ask yourself what kind of man you would like to meet and where you're most likely to meet someone like that. Don't let a sexist / age-ist agency make you feel bad when you've got absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about.

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