A psychotherapist recently described "differentiation" as two people, within a relationship, being able to express their individual truths, even when they knew it wouldn't be popular, without fear.
I guess on a larger scale, it's like a free society, where individuals can protest / express themselves without fear of recrimination.
In relationships and friendships, we can be so keen to be loved for who we are, we try to be who we think the other person wants us to be.
I've been watching Boston Legal and think the friendship between ultra conservative Denny Crane (William Shatner) and his liberal best friend and "fellow flamingo" Alan Shore (James Spader) is one of the best examples I've seen of this. They accept each others (many, many) flaws (e.g. Denny to young, attractive female lawyer: "Do you want a hug?" She flinches and backs away. He shrugs and tries "Can I have a hug?").
They often push each other too far but the friendship means so much to them that you know (also, I've seen the last few episodes ever so know how it ends) they'll always be there for each other.
The shifting power imbalances between men and women, parents and children, bosses and employees, clients and suppliers etc. can make this more challenging but people do manage to express their truths, knowing that whatever the outcome, they'll be OK.
Is there someone you're struggling to express yourself to? What are you afraid might happen if you say, "When you do x, it makes me feel y and I'd rather you stopped"?
How would ___ feel if they knew how much you were holding back?
What's likely to happen if you carry on keeping these feelings to yourself? (Potential emotional explosion? Increased resentment?)
How can you ease into expressing your own truth? (If you're too anxious at first to express it out loud to the person who needs to hear it, at least honour it, and yourself by telling yourself what you're unhappy with.)
Those who love you want what's best for you - even if that means disagreeing or being at odds with them.
Good luck!
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