"Everybody is right from their own stand point ... hence the need for tolerance." - www.thoughtfortoday.org.uk
I've been having an imaginary conversation in my head all day, trying to avoid an argument but getting quite riled up as I anticipate this person's actions.
My predictions are based on previous examples so my anxiety about an argument isn't coming from nowhere.
But this little message has made me rethink things. I've gone over (in my imaginary argument with them) my perception of why they do the thing that is causing me problems but even in my head, it sounds judgmental.
So I'm going to attempt to take this advice to heart and:
1) Not jump in anticipating an argument
2) If they do the thing I think they'll do, I'll take a deep breath
3) Then, rather than getting defensive and walking away (I rarely actually argue - just in my head :)), I'll ask them questions to see if I can understand what on earth they're going on about, I mean, to find out how we can reach a compromise where everyone feels heard and valued.
Am quite tired just thinking about it but the anxiety I've been holding in my chest all day has suddenly lifted.
They may even surprise me by considering my perspective without the need for all this!!
How might exercising your tolerance muscles help you in your life?
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1 comment:
Cool post ... I think some people are naturally better at picking up signals from other people - whether it be through body language or intonation or whatever - than others. But learning some of the tricks of the empathic 'trade' is a great idea - like the old adage, never judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes!
Also, I've often found that if I go into any kind of potentially argumentative situation with a preconceived set of ideas as to what I am going to say, then I end up not being 'real', and therefore not very convincing, either to myself or to the person I am having the discussion with.
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