I don't understand why so many people confuse discipline with violence.
I believe that children should be raised to respect others as well as themselves but don't understand how being hit, smacked, caned or otherwise harmed teaches them anything other than:
a) fear and
b) that it's OK for more powerful people to harm smaller, more helpless people in order to get what they want.
Even the callers who said "It didn't do me any harm" remembered being hit far more vividly than the reason for this punishment.
Surely it's far more effective to guide them by doing things like:
. taking your rubbish to a bin rather than dropping litter
. showing them that you respect them and other people you deal with
. listening to them
. explaining the difference between being disappointed in their behaviour and giving up on them (that you'll never give up on them or stop loving them).
To hear more of my (unpopular! For suggesting NOT beating children!) views on today's Sadie Nine show, please click here to listen - http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/radio/bbc_radio_essex
We also talked about the election and different parties' proposed policies on education.
Showing posts with label BBC Essex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BBC Essex. Show all posts
Friday, 30 April 2010
Friday, 9 April 2010
Keeping kids safe and the impact of punk (BBC Essex)
If you'd like to listen to our discussions of topics including letting your kids play outside and punk, you can click here - http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0076334/Sadie_Nine_09_04_2010/
Friday, 19 February 2010
The confidence to be yourself
On Sadie's show today (to listen, please visit http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/radio/bbc_radio_essex/ and choose Friday, 19th February, noon to 2pm), things got quite controversial.
We had the most calls about Elton John's statement about Jesus being kind, intelligent and gay. Was this offensive to Christians?
My views seemed to be in the minority. When I was initially given the story to read, the only offence I felt was that David Furnish was referred to as Elton's "husband" (the quotation marks make it sound like it's not quite as real a relationship as the reporter's is or would be).
But as I thought about it, I became increasingly pleased on behalf of all the kids growing up (and adults who still fear this) being told that they would literally Go To Hell because of who they love.
On Ellen, Ellen Degeneres said something like "No one ever gives you a card or cake saying 'Good for you, you're gay!'" when her charater was struggling to come out. Apparently, after that episode wrapped, the crew and cast wheeled out an enormous cake saying "Good for you, you're gay!"
How can any kind of love be wrong?
We all need people to look up to. I'm no longer Catholic partly because there were so few women in the story (and those that were mentioned were either too saintly for me to even dream about emulating or, like my namesake, responsible for the downfall of humanity).
I'm Indian / Irish and remember being confused as a child by Jesus and Mary's blue eyes and blond hair. For the part of the world they were said to come from, surely they'd have been much darker?
Yet I understand the need for people in this part of the world to have rewritten history, as it were, and create images that reflected them so they could feel closer somehow.
My parents did their best to counter this kind of unconscious stereotyping (pale good, dark bad etc.) but seeing more mixed race role models around as I've got older (though I still sometimes feel like an oddity with the Indian Irish combo) has had a healthy impact on my own self esteem.
The idea that kids growing up confused about their sexuality (or sure about it but feeling that it isn't OK) and then being told that they're wrong hurts my heart.
I wish we could treat everyone with respect and try to see where people we don't understand are coming from. Having said that, I'm a little anxious in case this post and what I said on air offends any Christians. Not to mention potential offence caused to people of all the religions we didn't mention.
Whether you're a woman trying to break through a barrier at work, a stay at home father struggling to find acceptance at the school gate when or anyone not fully in the mainstream, I hope you'll find the confidence to keep on being you.
We had the most calls about Elton John's statement about Jesus being kind, intelligent and gay. Was this offensive to Christians?
My views seemed to be in the minority. When I was initially given the story to read, the only offence I felt was that David Furnish was referred to as Elton's "husband" (the quotation marks make it sound like it's not quite as real a relationship as the reporter's is or would be).
But as I thought about it, I became increasingly pleased on behalf of all the kids growing up (and adults who still fear this) being told that they would literally Go To Hell because of who they love.
On Ellen, Ellen Degeneres said something like "No one ever gives you a card or cake saying 'Good for you, you're gay!'" when her charater was struggling to come out. Apparently, after that episode wrapped, the crew and cast wheeled out an enormous cake saying "Good for you, you're gay!"
How can any kind of love be wrong?
We all need people to look up to. I'm no longer Catholic partly because there were so few women in the story (and those that were mentioned were either too saintly for me to even dream about emulating or, like my namesake, responsible for the downfall of humanity).
I'm Indian / Irish and remember being confused as a child by Jesus and Mary's blue eyes and blond hair. For the part of the world they were said to come from, surely they'd have been much darker?
Yet I understand the need for people in this part of the world to have rewritten history, as it were, and create images that reflected them so they could feel closer somehow.
My parents did their best to counter this kind of unconscious stereotyping (pale good, dark bad etc.) but seeing more mixed race role models around as I've got older (though I still sometimes feel like an oddity with the Indian Irish combo) has had a healthy impact on my own self esteem.
The idea that kids growing up confused about their sexuality (or sure about it but feeling that it isn't OK) and then being told that they're wrong hurts my heart.
I wish we could treat everyone with respect and try to see where people we don't understand are coming from. Having said that, I'm a little anxious in case this post and what I said on air offends any Christians. Not to mention potential offence caused to people of all the religions we didn't mention.
Whether you're a woman trying to break through a barrier at work, a stay at home father struggling to find acceptance at the school gate when or anyone not fully in the mainstream, I hope you'll find the confidence to keep on being you.
Monday, 9 February 2009
The Thought Police - Part 2
Funnily enough, we were talking about apologies on Sadie Nine's show (click here to listen and choose Saturday lunchtime http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/mainframe.shtml?http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/essex.shtml) this weekend.
I was very much in the minority (a few callers called me the Thought Police and one called me worse) but stand by what I said: I think the world would be a much nicer place if, instead of waiting until something affects us personally to take offense, we use our empathy skills to think, "You know what, I didn't mean to cause offence there but completely see how it might have seemed like I did and I'm sorry."
Sure, bullying toughens some people up but in many cases, it leaves scars (or worse) that can last forever.
I want to live in a world where people feel able to stand up for themselves when people are unkind to them.
But not everyone has unshakable self confidence or a safety net at home where they can talk through those hurt feelings and be assured that they're not inherently wrong themselves.
So I feel we all have a duty to stand up for people who may not feel confident enough to stand up for themselves.
That doesn't mean that I think we should decide that we know better than others what should be considered offensive. And I don't think that the Carol Thatcher thing should have been leaked or sold to the press. A quiet word would have been much better.
We all have our own hot spots. People who barely bat an eyelid at racist, sexist or homophobic remarks become sensitive when someone says something about a disability (or the other way around).
But if we think about it, I'm sure we can all remember times when we felt unable, for whatever reason, to stand up for ourselves. Maybe we were the only woman or man in a group etc.
Hopefully, we can all learn to express ourselves more kindly and learn from each other.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
I was very much in the minority (a few callers called me the Thought Police and one called me worse) but stand by what I said: I think the world would be a much nicer place if, instead of waiting until something affects us personally to take offense, we use our empathy skills to think, "You know what, I didn't mean to cause offence there but completely see how it might have seemed like I did and I'm sorry."
Sure, bullying toughens some people up but in many cases, it leaves scars (or worse) that can last forever.
I want to live in a world where people feel able to stand up for themselves when people are unkind to them.
But not everyone has unshakable self confidence or a safety net at home where they can talk through those hurt feelings and be assured that they're not inherently wrong themselves.
So I feel we all have a duty to stand up for people who may not feel confident enough to stand up for themselves.
That doesn't mean that I think we should decide that we know better than others what should be considered offensive. And I don't think that the Carol Thatcher thing should have been leaked or sold to the press. A quiet word would have been much better.
We all have our own hot spots. People who barely bat an eyelid at racist, sexist or homophobic remarks become sensitive when someone says something about a disability (or the other way around).
But if we think about it, I'm sure we can all remember times when we felt unable, for whatever reason, to stand up for ourselves. Maybe we were the only woman or man in a group etc.
Hopefully, we can all learn to express ourselves more kindly and learn from each other.
© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.
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