The confidence to be yourself

On Sadie's show today (to listen, please visit http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/radio/bbc_radio_essex/ and choose Friday, 19th February, noon to 2pm), things got quite controversial.

We had the most calls about Elton John's statement about Jesus being kind, intelligent and gay. Was this offensive to Christians?

My views seemed to be in the minority. When I was initially given the story to read, the only offence I felt was that David Furnish was referred to as Elton's "husband" (the quotation marks make it sound like it's not quite as real a relationship as the reporter's is or would be).

But as I thought about it, I became increasingly pleased on behalf of all the kids growing up (and adults who still fear this) being told that they would literally Go To Hell because of who they love.

On Ellen, Ellen Degeneres said something like "No one ever gives you a card or cake saying 'Good for you, you're gay!'" when her charater was struggling to come out. Apparently, after that episode wrapped, the crew and cast wheeled out an enormous cake saying "Good for you, you're gay!"

How can any kind of love be wrong?

We all need people to look up to. I'm no longer Catholic partly because there were so few women in the story (and those that were mentioned were either too saintly for me to even dream about emulating or, like my namesake, responsible for the downfall of humanity).

I'm Indian / Irish and remember being confused as a child by Jesus and Mary's blue eyes and blond hair. For the part of the world they were said to come from, surely they'd have been much darker?

Yet I understand the need for people in this part of the world to have rewritten history, as it were, and create images that reflected them so they could feel closer somehow.

My parents did their best to counter this kind of unconscious stereotyping (pale good, dark bad etc.) but seeing more mixed race role models around as I've got older (though I still sometimes feel like an oddity with the Indian Irish combo) has had a healthy impact on my own self esteem.

The idea that kids growing up confused about their sexuality (or sure about it but feeling that it isn't OK) and then being told that they're wrong hurts my heart.

I wish we could treat everyone with respect and try to see where people we don't understand are coming from. Having said that, I'm a little anxious in case this post and what I said on air offends any Christians. Not to mention potential offence caused to people of all the religions we didn't mention.

Whether you're a woman trying to break through a barrier at work, a stay at home father struggling to find acceptance at the school gate when or anyone not fully in the mainstream, I hope you'll find the confidence to keep on being you.

And you've won, too!!

I tape Ellen (along with Oprah and Rachael Ray) everyday.

While I often don't watch them, I like to see who's on.

Ellen makes me laugh so much I usually watch the first little bit with her comedy and her dance. And even though I never normally game show type programmes, I've stopped fastforwarding through her games.

They're the most ridiculous games ever (blindfold musical chairs / awww snap etc.) and to see a 50 year old woman finding them hilarious is, well, hilarious.

What makes me laugh most of all is the fact that the contestants (all grown women) play so hard. They get really competitive.

Yet for as long as I've been watching (the last few weeks), Ellen gives the same prize for second place and sometimes to her audience, too.

I can't imagine people at an office all putting in the same level of effort if they knew no matter what, everyone would earn the same.

But for the sake of bringing more fun into your life, can you think of ways to laugh more each day?

To put your heart and soul into the effort of something (even if the prize isn't really worth it or you'd get the same prize without the effort)?

Personally, I think Ellen likes to reward the contestants' joyful attitudes. I think if someone went through the motions, first place would win a prize but second prize would feel like losing.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.

How do other people see you?

Yesterday, it seemed that everything I watched on TV had something to do with impersonations.

When Tina Fey was interviewed by Oprah about her infamous Sarah Palin impressions on Saturday Night Live she made it clear that she didn't want to be mean spirited about it (Palin was a good sport in going on SNL and some people worried that the impressions were actually boosting her ratings).

I almost cried with laughter watching Hilary Swank on Ellen. She bounded out and instead of greeting the host, she pretended to be the host. Sporting an Ellen-like hair cut from a film role (Amelia Earhart), she'd dressed as Ellen for Hallowe'en (we see it later in the UK). She bounded out and did the Ellen dance and the Ellen wave.

Ellen said she'd had no idea she looked so surprised like that.

Jon Stewart was also filmed reacting to John Oliver's impression of him as former Oscar host on The Daily Show. This impression had a little bit of meaness but Jon Stewart recognised that his job involves it, and, again, took it with good grace.

I don't like mean impressions but when they're affectionate, they can be hilarious.

They can also give us clues into the way we act in the world. Assuming you're not famous and don't see impersonator's versions of you on a regular basis, you could still think about the mannerisms, expressions (facial and verbal) and so on that are part of you.

Does anything stand out as something you'd like to drop? Is there anything you'd even want to exagerate?

You may even choose to get together with a group of trusted friends and "play" each other to build awareness of all the things you're so used to doing, you don't notice them.

By impersonating someone else, you might also hit on a way to tap into a more sociable, confident, fun, athletic or other you.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.