What do you do when the world feels a bit wobbly?

Have you ever had one of those days when the world feels it's spinning too fast? That the slightest false move might knock you right off the planet?

Often, it's just a sign that you need to be extra gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up over feeling hypersensitive will just make you feel worse.

So do something kind for yourself: Walk, watch a nice movie, take a hot bath (add some pink food colouring and bubbles for extra comfort), make yourself some hot chocolate, take some Rescue Remedy, phone or meet a friend, let it all out in your diary, do some EFT, lose yourself in a good book or book an afternoon / day / week off as a promise that you're going to take better care of your own needs...

If you're familiar enough with NLP, step "off" your timeline and "into the void". This is a bizarre sensation which will help you release any stresses before returning to real life feeling rested, refreshed and wise. (If you'd like to know more, email eve@applecoaching.com).

Even though you may be really busy with work or a family situation, the fact that things feel as if they're spiralling is a sign that you should try something different.

You'll be in a much better position to handle the fall out from that error / row when you've sorted yourself out. Taking yourself out of the stressful situation and treating yourself with compassion will give you the perspective you need to return to it later.

I'd love to hear how you get on.

And you can sign up for Confidence Coaching Tips straight to your inbox at www.applecoaching.com

Taking care of yourself

Coaching in Spain last week was really good. It was lovely to meet the participants and I'm looking forward to going to the second Spanish property (near Seville) at the end of next week.

Being away from the day to day commitments means there's more time to think about how things could be even better.

The daily yoga, Pilates and swimming was just what I needed, too.

One of the most challenging things about being a coach is putting into practice all the the things I know I would benefit from doing myself.

I'm endlessly talking to clients about prioritising their wellbeing so they don't burn out / end up resenting the people they love etc.

Yet I completely understand how it can be tough to do this. We're (especially women) often brought up to think of meeting our own (or even acknowledging our own) needs as selfish.

But when you take good care of yourself, everyone in your life - from your loved ones to colleagues, neighbours and even strangers in the street - will benefit.

Who do you find it hard to say "No" to? Do you ever catch yourself feeling like a martyr? By spending a few moments thinking about triggers that often lead to exhaustion and resentment, you'll be better able to take care of yourself in the future.

If you find the idea of caring for yourself to be challenging, I'd recommend reading Cheryl Richardson's wonderful books for pointers. She also has some Extreme Self Care cards which can help you get into the habit of looking after the most important person in your life - you.

To sign up for confidence tips straight to your inbox, please visit www.applecoaching.com

Making the most of who you are - 100%

I'm heading off to Andalucia tonight to run the first of six week long coaching courses for www.Well-Being-Breaks.com

My weeks are themed "re-invent yourself" but it's really about making the best of the person you are.

No one should ever try to be anyone other than themselves. Often, you'll notice that the people you admire the most - whether they're people you know personally or performers, scientists, entrepreneurs, athletes or anyone else - are people who are 100% true to themselves.

If you weren't afraid of what other people might say about you, what would you be doing differently? Would you be more confident, assertive and creative at work? More loving and carefree at home?

Make a list of the people you admire and what it is you're particularly drawn to. I'm sure I'll think of loads of people later on when it's too late to add more, but to start my own list:

1) Oprah for knowing how to present all sorts of inspirational and entertaining information so it's accessible to lots of people.
2) The Dalai Lama for smiling and being a force for peace in spite of all he's endured.
3) Gloria Steinem for helping so many women and men recognise that "women are whole people, too" without being anti-men.
4) David Lynch for expressing himself so fully and confidently (even when, at the end of a film, I'm utterly clueless as to how it all makes sense, I love the way he just allows his visions to unfold).
5) Kathy Reichs, Pearl Cleage, Marian Keyes, Sara Paretsky, Sue Grafton and a million other fiction writers who, again, go with their imaginary worlds and follow them so completely, you feel like you're there when you read them...

Even if it's just for a few minutes, allow your mind to wander... What would you do differently today, this week, this year, if you allowed your intuition and gut to guide your every move instead of second guessing yourself?

List the ideas that crop up and see where it takes you...

I'd love to hear how you get on. You can email me at eve@applecoaching.com

And if you'd like free coaching tips by email, you can subscribe at www.applecoaching.com

Be prepared and enjoy life's challenges (more)

I bought some wellies recently and they’ve revolutionised my life. I love walking in the rain (it rarely occurs to me to go for a walk when it’s sunny). But, in the past, the idea of ruining my shoes would often put me off.

Last week, I wore my wellies (an elegant and sophisticated pair with enormous yellow daffodils all over them) and when I stepped off the road, I was instantly glad. There’s a short walk across a field from the road to the woods and even this was hugely muddy.

By the time I got into the actual woods, it was hard going even with the wellies.

But it was also so much fun. I had appropriate footware so could enjoy the muddy terrain. I even enjoyed almost falling over several times. When I got to a little stream, I was able to wade through it. I felt like a big kid.

Basically, the wellies meant I was properly equipped and could enjoy walking through the mud.

It made me think about challenging situations in life. While some things are far from enjoyable, being properly equipped to handle things – using all the resources you have available – can transform your experience of it.

For example, the house fire in January was traumatic and has meant lots of major upheaval. But because the insurance company and builders have been so amazing, along with all the other people they’ve brought in to help, the rebuilding has been as pleasant as possible.

Without such a lovely, supportive team, it would have felt like walking up hill in the mud wearing sandals. But their presence has meant that everything that’s cropped up (leaking roof, boiler leaking carbon monoxide and several other issues) has been immediately referred to an expert in that field. I wouldn’t have had a clue but it was all sorted for me.

And all the work should be completed over the next couple of weeks.

Is there a situation in your life that just feels too overwhelming and difficult? Whatever the problem, by equipping yourself with the right support, it will be much easier to handle.

Think of three situations and ask yourself “Who can I contact for help with this? What resources am I not yet using?”

I’ve already worn my wellies several times since. I’ve even found myself feeling a little disappointed when it’s not muddy and challenging enough to need them!

To sign up for confidence tips straight to your inbox and information about my coaching services, please visit www.applecoaching.com

Confident to the bone

I’ve been watching Bones Season 2 on DVD. As well as really enjoying the general drama of it, I love the confidence the characters have. The other scientists are known as “squints” but they know that the work they do is important so don’t care.

“Bones” herself is Dr Temperence Brennan, a forensic anthropologist. The nicknames seem to help the FBI guy handle his scientific ignorance better. And he’s completely confident in his FBI skills so doesn’t have an inferiority complex about it all.

At one point, Tempe’s boyfriend wants her to drop everything to sail around with him on his impulse buy sailboat. There is shock and horror all around when she declines. Why would she want to give up sailing off into the sunset to study bones? (Maybe it's because she likes to bring peace to the families of victims when she’s trained her whole life to develop such expertise!) Luckily, she has enough confidence in herself to know that her work is there.

Another character who doesn’t give into peer pressure is Angela. She’s part artist, part scientist and often feels add odds with all the death they’re dealing with. But rather than conform to majority rule and harden herself, she instead tells the rest of the team that they need to develop more “whimsy.”

Is there a situation in your life where you might be paying too much attention to someone else’s opinions? At work? In a relationship? About a new hairstyle or outfit?

How would it feel to be certain that what you’re doing in that situation is worthwhile? That you don’t need anyone else’s approval? That you know deep in your bones that you’re doing the right thing for you right now?

Does this experiment make you more confident about your decision? It might even make you feel better about someone else’s perspective (if you have to try really hard to fake confidence, you may realise that it’s not the best decision for you right now).

Take the time to get a sense of what feeling confident to the bone would be like.

Learn to trust yourself more and more each day by checking in with yourself about all sorts of things and your confidence will soar.

For FREE confidence tips and advice straight to your inbox, please visit www.applecoaching.com

Public humilation

I've done quite a bit of radio now and enjoy the fact that I usually relax so much, I forget it's being broadcast live. Recently, I've filmed a few television programmes, offering coaching advice, for a new satellite channel. When I was asked to take part in a more political show, I said "Of course! Thanks for thinking of me" and looked forward to discussing various headlines.

But when I got there and read the stories, I realised they were a far cry from my usual type. The other panelists were from the Free Tibet Campaign and Channel 4. I was introduced as a freelance journalist (I specialise in wellbeing and personal development).

A couple of the stories felt like things I could comment quite sensibly on. And two, I was utterly clueless about. Even after rereading them, I just didn't get it. The presenter's introduction to "in depth analysis" made me realise that perhaps I wasn't in the right place at the right time.

It went out live. As I watched it on the internet yesterday (sadly after I'd sent my newsletter out with a link to it), I realised that I hadn't been imagining the mortification. I was just about OK for the first three stories (although I did look, as my own mother said through absolute gales of laughter, as if I might have just wandered into the studio off the street).

And the final story I was asked to comment on was the one I was completely ignorant about. Re the Bear Stearns bank crisis, I tried to integrate what the other panelists had and admitted that I didn't really understand why it's a problem if a bank gets bailed out. Like Virgin buying Northern Rock here. Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!

My mother said she saw the panelist next to me desperately try to stifle his own laughter and started howling at the hilarity again. When the presenter started talking about the final story (Obama), I thought "Phew! I know lots about this one, I can redeem myself" but then they ran out of time....

After picking myself up off the floor where I was cringing and laughing at the same time, I figured, all I can do is learn from it.

When was the last time you had a mortifying experience? What did you do?

I've learned that:

1) I need to be better prepared next time (if there is a next time!) and I need to tell the presenter which stories I have the most to say about. This way, rather than feeling like a kid being quizzed on a subject she doesn't take in a higher set, I'll be better able to steer things in a more sensible direction.

2) I should have spoken up during the last story and put my point of view across instead of waiting to be asked to speak.

3) It's better to laugh about it than to cry. There's nothing I can do to go back in time to fix it, so it's just about figuring out what to do differently next time.

In the past, I'd have been paralysed. I'd have simply thought "No more TV or even leaving the house or picking up the telephone. Way too many opportunities for humiliation!"

Now I know it's not the end of the world but there are lots of things I can do to do better in the future. By focusing on what I want to happen (poise and elegance would be fantastic!), I can let go off the past and move on.

(Doh! Doh! Doh!!!)

Whether you've embarrassed yourself or you just wish you had more confidence, please visit http://www.applecoaching.com/ for free confidence and self esteem boosting tips and ideas.

Nancy Drew - doing everything with ease and grace

I recently watched the new Nancy Drew film hoping that it would live up to my expectations from reading all the books as a kid.

In the books, Nancy was about 18 but she's a few years younger in the film. Still at high school, she refuses to dumb down (way ahead of the other girls in track, always raising her hand to answer questions in class and generally being almost annoyingly perfect).

Emma Roberts, Julia's neice, reminded me a little of Natalie Portman. I especially liked the scene where, before falling into Ned's arms because he liked her, she wanted to take a little time to figure out what her own feelings were first.

I don't know where she got this unshakable confidence (at one point, she admits that a prank had "bruised" her feelings a little) as her dad was trying to get her to abandon her gift for "sleuthing". In the books and TV series, she'd helped him on cases.

I know she's a fictional character but watching her resourcefulness helped me tap into my own. Even when the fire department were there to rescue her, she's perfectly able to save herself, but thanks very much anyway.

When things are feeling shaky for you, consider getting a boost from a fictional character like Nancy Drew (it feels incomplete to just write Nancy, somehow).

Others I regularly get inspiration from are Elle Woods (Legally Blonde I and II), Dr Quinn, Jessica Fletcher, Spiderman, Lisa Simpson... and that's ignoring the millions of friends available to help me from my bookshelves. Who always makes you feel better, stronger and more capable?

Don't forget to use yourself as your best role model. When did you last handle a challenging situation yourself? You can draw on those same reserves now.

For more information and confidence tips, please visit www.applecoaching.com

You can read archived blogs from when I was the Wellbeing Network's Self Image Editor here
http://www.wellbeingblog.co.uk/category/self-image/