Since hearing about E4's new Canadian drama, Being Erica, I wanted to see it. As a coach and psychotherapy student, I think the idea of listing regrets and being transported back in time so you can have a second chance is a great premise for a TV show.
But as a human, the idea terrifies me. I barely got through my regretful situations the first time. What if things were even worse when reliving them?
Erica's regrets aren't traumas but they're entertainingly cringeworthy to watch from behind a cushion. And so far, although she's spent years haunted by the wish she'd done certain things differently, she seems to be learning that the choices she made were actually right for her.
But it's the "therapist" (magician?) who seems to have the most fun.
He demands complete committment to change, has the ability to move his office around like one of the lands at the top of The Magic Faraway Tree (it pops up all over the place) and doesn't seem to need to earn a living.
Thinking about your own life, are you hung up on certain regrets?
Imagine you could go back and relive certain episodes from your own life? What would you want to do differently?
With that knowledge, how can you approach your life today differently without having to revisit the actual scene?
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Friday, 25 September 2009
Shedding leaves, letting go and moving on
When you're feeling impatient and stuck, one of the quickest ways to get yourself out of it is to let go of everything that's holding you back.
Have you got clothes that no longer fit well or suit you? Donate them and enjoy having extra space in your closet (it'll make it much easier to get dressed each morning).
Apparently, in Japan, people leave spaces everywhere - on bookshelves, in closets... after all, if there's no space, things can't flow well and we can get stagnant.
Personally, I'd love to fast forward through the shedding off old skin / leaves phase and be in the sparkly new one.
But I know that, uncomfortable as it may feel at the time, having a good clear out (not just of clothes but habits and patterns of behaviour that no longer work) is a great way to celebrate the end of summer and make room for a great Autumn.
What are you ready to release?
How can you be gentle with yourself as you let go of things that you've perhaps been holding onto for too long?
What will you do to treat yourself when you've made some space in your life?
Have you got clothes that no longer fit well or suit you? Donate them and enjoy having extra space in your closet (it'll make it much easier to get dressed each morning).
Apparently, in Japan, people leave spaces everywhere - on bookshelves, in closets... after all, if there's no space, things can't flow well and we can get stagnant.
Personally, I'd love to fast forward through the shedding off old skin / leaves phase and be in the sparkly new one.
But I know that, uncomfortable as it may feel at the time, having a good clear out (not just of clothes but habits and patterns of behaviour that no longer work) is a great way to celebrate the end of summer and make room for a great Autumn.
What are you ready to release?
How can you be gentle with yourself as you let go of things that you've perhaps been holding onto for too long?
What will you do to treat yourself when you've made some space in your life?
Thursday, 10 September 2009
5 years! Celebrating all mile stones
It was my fifth Business Birthday yesterday but because I've been on Jury Service this week, I started celebrating last week (I make my actual birthday celebrations last at least two weeks).
My business has changed a lot in the past five years but I've learned from every step (and each mistake).
Too often, we hurtle through life without stopping to take stock.
Whether you have a personal mile stone coming up or just a few moments to think about your achievements, take some time to give yourself a pat on the back.
By taking an overview, you'll notice patterns which can help you make better decisions as you move into the future. These are often harder to spot when we're in the thick of things.
Whatever you've accomplished, take some time to celebrate and think Yay You!!!
My business has changed a lot in the past five years but I've learned from every step (and each mistake).
Too often, we hurtle through life without stopping to take stock.
Whether you have a personal mile stone coming up or just a few moments to think about your achievements, take some time to give yourself a pat on the back.
By taking an overview, you'll notice patterns which can help you make better decisions as you move into the future. These are often harder to spot when we're in the thick of things.
Whatever you've accomplished, take some time to celebrate and think Yay You!!!
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Cheating hearts - humiliate or simply pack up and leave
One of the things we talked about on Saturday's show (www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/mainframe.shtml?http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/essex.shtml - choose Sadie's show, noon to 2pm) was a man who begged for forgiveness after his infedility was discovered.
His partner agreed to forgive him only if he... well - www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1209451/Cheating-husband-wear-I-cheated-sign-wife.html
I'm all for honesty (and don't understand why so many men and women find it easier to lie than simply tell their partners whatever the truth may be) but not for humiliation.
I find it hard to believe that this man, shamed and humiliated, will be thinking loving thoughts towards his wife.
Why not just leave? Don't they need to address the issues that led to the affair in the first place?
What do you think?
His partner agreed to forgive him only if he... well - www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1209451/Cheating-husband-wear-I-cheated-sign-wife.html
I'm all for honesty (and don't understand why so many men and women find it easier to lie than simply tell their partners whatever the truth may be) but not for humiliation.
I find it hard to believe that this man, shamed and humiliated, will be thinking loving thoughts towards his wife.
Why not just leave? Don't they need to address the issues that led to the affair in the first place?
What do you think?
Friday, 28 August 2009
What we can learn from children
"Children smile 400 times a day on average ... adults 15 times. Children laugh 150 times a day ... adults 6 times per day. Children play between 4-6 hours a day ... adults only 20 minutes a day. What's happened "
- Robert Holden from 'Living Wonderfully'
4-6 hours a day playing? Unscheduled time to do whatever they feel like doing?
Can you remember the last time you gave yourself even half an hour to do whatever you felt in the mood to do? No lists, no chores no pressure?
If you can't even imagine it, let your mind wander a little. What would you want to do if you have that amount of time to play, doing whatever you felt like doing (and you'd caught up on all the sleep you've been deprived of and have done everything that needs to be done)...?
How can you schedule more time to play into your life? Remember your school days with morning and afternoon breaks plus lunch? Squeeze some mini breaks into your life and you'll find yourself laughing and smiling much more...
- Robert Holden from 'Living Wonderfully'
4-6 hours a day playing? Unscheduled time to do whatever they feel like doing?
Can you remember the last time you gave yourself even half an hour to do whatever you felt in the mood to do? No lists, no chores no pressure?
If you can't even imagine it, let your mind wander a little. What would you want to do if you have that amount of time to play, doing whatever you felt like doing (and you'd caught up on all the sleep you've been deprived of and have done everything that needs to be done)...?
How can you schedule more time to play into your life? Remember your school days with morning and afternoon breaks plus lunch? Squeeze some mini breaks into your life and you'll find yourself laughing and smiling much more...
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Being true to yourself within all your relationships
A psychotherapist recently described "differentiation" as two people, within a relationship, being able to express their individual truths, even when they knew it wouldn't be popular, without fear.
I guess on a larger scale, it's like a free society, where individuals can protest / express themselves without fear of recrimination.
In relationships and friendships, we can be so keen to be loved for who we are, we try to be who we think the other person wants us to be.
I've been watching Boston Legal and think the friendship between ultra conservative Denny Crane (William Shatner) and his liberal best friend and "fellow flamingo" Alan Shore (James Spader) is one of the best examples I've seen of this. They accept each others (many, many) flaws (e.g. Denny to young, attractive female lawyer: "Do you want a hug?" She flinches and backs away. He shrugs and tries "Can I have a hug?").
They often push each other too far but the friendship means so much to them that you know (also, I've seen the last few episodes ever so know how it ends) they'll always be there for each other.
The shifting power imbalances between men and women, parents and children, bosses and employees, clients and suppliers etc. can make this more challenging but people do manage to express their truths, knowing that whatever the outcome, they'll be OK.
Is there someone you're struggling to express yourself to? What are you afraid might happen if you say, "When you do x, it makes me feel y and I'd rather you stopped"?
How would ___ feel if they knew how much you were holding back?
What's likely to happen if you carry on keeping these feelings to yourself? (Potential emotional explosion? Increased resentment?)
How can you ease into expressing your own truth? (If you're too anxious at first to express it out loud to the person who needs to hear it, at least honour it, and yourself by telling yourself what you're unhappy with.)
Those who love you want what's best for you - even if that means disagreeing or being at odds with them.
Good luck!
I guess on a larger scale, it's like a free society, where individuals can protest / express themselves without fear of recrimination.
In relationships and friendships, we can be so keen to be loved for who we are, we try to be who we think the other person wants us to be.
I've been watching Boston Legal and think the friendship between ultra conservative Denny Crane (William Shatner) and his liberal best friend and "fellow flamingo" Alan Shore (James Spader) is one of the best examples I've seen of this. They accept each others (many, many) flaws (e.g. Denny to young, attractive female lawyer: "Do you want a hug?" She flinches and backs away. He shrugs and tries "Can I have a hug?").
They often push each other too far but the friendship means so much to them that you know (also, I've seen the last few episodes ever so know how it ends) they'll always be there for each other.
The shifting power imbalances between men and women, parents and children, bosses and employees, clients and suppliers etc. can make this more challenging but people do manage to express their truths, knowing that whatever the outcome, they'll be OK.
Is there someone you're struggling to express yourself to? What are you afraid might happen if you say, "When you do x, it makes me feel y and I'd rather you stopped"?
How would ___ feel if they knew how much you were holding back?
What's likely to happen if you carry on keeping these feelings to yourself? (Potential emotional explosion? Increased resentment?)
How can you ease into expressing your own truth? (If you're too anxious at first to express it out loud to the person who needs to hear it, at least honour it, and yourself by telling yourself what you're unhappy with.)
Those who love you want what's best for you - even if that means disagreeing or being at odds with them.
Good luck!
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Are you making decisions based on love or fear?
I keep hearing Marianne Williamson's voice in my head as I ask myself this about my own decisions.
It sounds so simple - making decisions based on love (or, in NLP terms, "towards") will help you feel better than basing everything on fear (or "away from").
Yet fear can easily take over and compress us so we tense and hold on so tightly, we can't even imagine what it is we want. We just know what we don't want.
What kind of decisions do you find easy to base on love?
For example, do you take on clients or jobs because of what Kristen Chenoweth (author of the delightful memoir, A Little Bit Wicked) would call The Fun Factor or is it ALL based around money, benefits and what you worry might happen if you don't?
If you're a parent, do you let your hopes for your children influence your decision making when they want to do something alone or does fear get in the way?
I'm not at all suggesting that fear doesn't have it's place. Often, fear can be a lifesaver when we tune into that instinct that then keeps us safe.
But if more of your decisions are based on what you're afraid of rather than what you love (and what will help you expand as a person), it may be time to rethink things.
Next time you need to make a decision, take a few moments to sit quietly with the options. Just checking in and figuring out which direction is driven by love and which by fear will help you notice patterns and potentially make changes.
It sounds so simple - making decisions based on love (or, in NLP terms, "towards") will help you feel better than basing everything on fear (or "away from").
Yet fear can easily take over and compress us so we tense and hold on so tightly, we can't even imagine what it is we want. We just know what we don't want.
What kind of decisions do you find easy to base on love?
For example, do you take on clients or jobs because of what Kristen Chenoweth (author of the delightful memoir, A Little Bit Wicked) would call The Fun Factor or is it ALL based around money, benefits and what you worry might happen if you don't?
If you're a parent, do you let your hopes for your children influence your decision making when they want to do something alone or does fear get in the way?
I'm not at all suggesting that fear doesn't have it's place. Often, fear can be a lifesaver when we tune into that instinct that then keeps us safe.
But if more of your decisions are based on what you're afraid of rather than what you love (and what will help you expand as a person), it may be time to rethink things.
Next time you need to make a decision, take a few moments to sit quietly with the options. Just checking in and figuring out which direction is driven by love and which by fear will help you notice patterns and potentially make changes.
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