Using NLP in your language (in a way that doesn't make you sound like a loon)

Before I trained in NLP, I was a bit wary. I'd heard of it being used in sales to get people to buy things and so on and just didn't like that idea.

Fortunately, it's not about mind control or anything sinister like that.

The idea of trance put me off until I realised that I'd been using trance language on myself - with negative effects - for much of my life unconsciously.

Have you ever told yourself "I can't, I'm fat / stupid / useless" or anything else that does the opposite of motivating you to take action that could change your situation?

That's a form of trance language - you say it so often and in such a resigned, believing way, before you know it, you're acting that way.

Wouldn't it be better to tell yourself, "Of course I can do it!" (and, naturally, follow up this thought with an action plan - thinking alone won't get it done)?

Get into the habit of noticing your instant reactions to things. Are you using trance language on yourself? When you are, is it helping you or making things worse?

Another tip is known as the double bind. A sales person might use it like this: "Would you like to buy the green or the red?" or "Would you like to book for Monday or Wednesday?"

Someone who has no intention of buying either isn't going to suddenly decide to go with the red or Wednesday but if someone is already ready to buy, this phrasing can help.

A parent might ask their child, "Would you like to go to bed now or in half an hour?"

And the child who has agreed to go to bed in half an hour rather than now will be far less resistant when the time has come.

Other common uses are to avoid the use of negatives like "Don't _____" The idea behind this is that our brains cannot process the instruction without first imagining doing the very thing they're being told not to. No smoking makes you think of smoking.

You may want to experiment with saying what you want the person to do instead. For example, "Could you speak more quietly please?" rather than "Don't shout." "I'd really appreciate your being on time" as opposed to "Don't be late" and so on.

"Try" is another word to avoid whenever possible (unless you're playing rugby). If you say, "I'll try", if you think about it, there's probably already a little part of you making an excuse.

If you commit to doing it, you put more energy behind your intention and make getting up at stupid o'clock for an early morning swim / run (or whatever you're psyching yourself up for) far more likely.

It'll take practice and vigilance (I just deleted a couple of instances where I'd suggested try right here and I've been practicing for years!) but it's worth it.