Are you making decisions based on love or fear?

I keep hearing Marianne Williamson's voice in my head as I ask myself this about my own decisions.

It sounds so simple - making decisions based on love (or, in NLP terms, "towards") will help you feel better than basing everything on fear (or "away from").

Yet fear can easily take over and compress us so we tense and hold on so tightly, we can't even imagine what it is we want. We just know what we don't want.

What kind of decisions do you find easy to base on love?

For example, do you take on clients or jobs because of what Kristen Chenoweth (author of the delightful memoir, A Little Bit Wicked) would call The Fun Factor or is it ALL based around money, benefits and what you worry might happen if you don't?

If you're a parent, do you let your hopes for your children influence your decision making when they want to do something alone or does fear get in the way?

I'm not at all suggesting that fear doesn't have it's place. Often, fear can be a lifesaver when we tune into that instinct that then keeps us safe.

But if more of your decisions are based on what you're afraid of rather than what you love (and what will help you expand as a person), it may be time to rethink things.

Next time you need to make a decision, take a few moments to sit quietly with the options. Just checking in and figuring out which direction is driven by love and which by fear will help you notice patterns and potentially make changes.

Ridiculous rescues - What kind of situation makes you forget your resourcefulness?

I just had to be rescued.

I'd popped out to feed some neighbours' fish (they're away for a couple of days) and when I went to let myself out, found that the door was locked and wouldn't budge (my hand is still bleeding a little from where I tried to make it open).

The letter box wouldn't open from the inside and all the windows were locked, too, so while I could see some neighbours outside, I couldn't communicate with them.

After about 20 minutes of feeling completely unresourceful - no internet, phone or anything other than what I was wearing - I thought about trying to leap over some fences to eventually reach my own backyard.

I'd have to walk a few blocks round to the front and was worried that I'd then need to scale the fence each time to feed the fish. Fortunately, another neighbour's window was open so I yelled up for help.

I threw the keys over the empty yards (phew - they made it) and she was able to get me out of there.

But it made me think. I was in no danger (apart from my fear of missing deadlines if I didn't get out in time to finish my features) and yet I was in full on panic mode.

All my usual resourcefulness (between the journalism and coaching, I generally feel able to do pretty much anything I set my mind to) had completely vanished.

What kind of situations make you forget your resources?

Trying to be your best

I have become addicted to Dollhouse and Bionic Woman.

In Dollhouse, even though the whole premise is completely unethical, there's a small part of me that would love to have new skills downloaded so I could wake up with the ability to do pretty much anything - I'd just want to be in control of the programming.

And I'd also probably be too scared to actually mess with my brain in case something went wrong.

All the "dolls" are good looking and when one is slashed, he says he can't be his best now. The (also slashed) doctor agrees sadly.

I know it's TV but why do so many of us let whatever it is we don't like about our appearances hold us back so much?

Then there's Bionic Woman.

While I can't imagine (though, sure, it's possible I might change my mind) ever risking the knife for the sake of a few wrinkles, there's a small part of me that wonders how close to the front of the line I'd be if I could be made to run faster (I don't run at all, other than for the occassional bus or train), jump higher, hear and see more etc.

These abilities feel far more worthy (though currently impossible - who knew I'd enjoy the SciFi Channel?) of taking a risk (though I imagine I'd still be too scared to risk it).

Still, realising that I envy a fictional character's strength and fitness is part of what motivated me to have a 6am swim this morning (7am yesterday). I know I'll never be bionic fast but swimming makes me feel at my strongest.

And recognising that there is soooo much more I want to learn (though I love the idea of it all being downloaded with minimum effort on my part) has me actively looking for more opportunities to do this.

I also admire Veronica Mars' ability to put the past behind her and deal with whatever life throws at her in an incredibly resourceful way - at just 17.

Which fictional characters can give you clues about the characteristics and skills you'd like to develop in yourself?

When you look at your schedule, does your heart sink or are you happy?

This is a great time of year to reassess the way you spend your days.

As the old saying goes, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got".

Think about your life right now.

What are you pleased with?

Where would you like things to improve?

As you look at your schedule for the day / week / month ahead, noticed the feelings that crop up for you.

What tasks and events are you excited about? What energises you just thinking about it?

What drains you as you contemplate the idea of it?

How can you shift things so you do more of the things that help you feel at your best?

How can you delegate the things that fill you resentment?

Take control of your schedule and create a day to day life that will support you in everything you do.

"What you think about me is none of my business" - Elle Macpherson

I came across "What other people think of me is none of my business" years ago and instantly loved it.

But to hear a real (i.e. not fictional) person say it with conviction - especially someone who's lived so long in the public eye - is brilliant.

Is there an area of your life where you pay too much attention to what other people might be thinking about you?

Your choice of partner? What you eat? Where you live? What you choose to wear? Taking a new job or starting your own business?

It's completely natural to care about other people's opinions - after all, our ancestors would have been exiled from the tribe if they stepped out of line. And this would have meant certain death.

But now, we can assert our own choices more freely.

Stop letting thoughts of how other people may or may not be judging you control the way you live your life. No one can shine under that kind of scrutiny.

Easy vegetable soup - Eating well to support yourself

I attended a really interesting event at the College for Naturopathic Medicine last night.

I have a healthy heart (my ECG last week confirmed that) but know that when I'm stressed / in self sabotage mode, I can be prone to turning to sugary and fatty (yummox) foods to make myself feel better.

This can lead to self loathing filled thoughts telling me I'm no good at anything (what we eat really does affect our moods so while this isn't strictly a confidence coaching blog, eating well can definitely help boost yours).

By cooking more in batches, so I can heat up a quick lunch or dinner that will be comforting and nutritious, I'm better able to eat in a way that supports myself. And I get to feel virtuous too.

I'm feeling especially good after being complemented on a soup I made for lunch today. I'm sharing the recipe to show how easy it is (anyone can cook, no matter how much they lack confidence in that area).

When you think of your own nutritional weak spots, rather than just beating yourself up ("I always leave making lunch too late and end up grabbing something unhealthy, expensive and unappealing..."), think of ways you can support yourself more in the future.

Soups and dall really works for me as I've never eaten a salad in my life. If you're more of a salad type soul, prep your favourite leaves and veggies in advance and make it easy for yourself.

Anyway, here's my easy veg soup:

. Chop some leeks (I do this finely as I love the flavour but hate the texture - I have to cook for myself as if I were a hard to please 4 year old sometimes) and soften them in some olive oil.
. Scrub (but don't bother peeling - lots of nutrients in the peel plus it saves time and energy) some potatoes and carrots. I usually go for a ratio of one leek, 2 big potatoes and one carrot but mix it up according to your own tastes).
. Start boiling them in a separate pan.
. Throw in a little wholegrain pasta to add bulk.
. Rinse a can's worth of cannelini beans and add these, too.
. Add some stock. I use Marigold's Swiss Boullion vegetable stock (along with a little nutmeg for wellbeing - I add a little nutmeg to everything from hot chocolate and beans on toast to soups and bakes. Got to have wellbeing...) and mix it all in.
. When the leeks are done, combine the contents of both pans and simmer until it's all so deliciously soft it's easy to mash.
. A few minutes before you're done, throw in some chopped coriander and let this wilt into it.
. Use a potato masher to mash it a bit.
. Serve with wholemeal rolls (or whatever kind of bread you enjoy).

Enjoy as much as you feel like now and keep the rest, in batches, in your fridge (you can also freeze some) for healthy lunches for days to come.

Tuning into your inner wisdom

Even if traditional meditation isn't your thing, you can get similar benefits by doing anything that helps you access a natural flow state.

For some people, it might mean walking in nature or even a favourite art gallery. For others, things like gardening, cooking and other everyday things can help you access your inner wisdom.

Before you start, ask your unconscious mind a question you'd like the answer to.

It might be anything from "What is this situation with ___ trying to teach me?" to "Am I on the right track with ___?"

Then focus on your walk / gardening etc. but notice any signs that crop up.

What do you associate with each one?

Are any of them common (e.g. well known as representing a certain thing or they crop up a lot as a personal sign)?

Trust yourself and enjoy life as it begins to flow that bit more smoothly...