Fast-forwarding through life?

I love TV. There are so many great shows. I don't watch (what I consider - though others may disagree) trash but I love stuff that's well written, well produced and inspirational.

The downside is that I often find myself feeling inferior to genius fictional characters (Brennan on Bones, Reid on Criminal Minds, Rory on Gilmore Girls, Kitty on Brothers & Sisters (she just happened to accidentally write a bestselling book while on the campaign trail)...)

Another danger is that I sometimes want to fast-forward through boring / scary bits in real life.

Remembering to breathe deeply (whether I'm waiting for someone to stop an exceedingly long sentence or things suddenly feel very unpredicatable and I want to do away with suspense) helps ground me.

It connects me to real life and I'm able to figure out what's unsettling and how to handle that.

Next time you find yourself wanting to fast-forward through real life / delete something, take a moment to connect to the natural world (starting with your breath).

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

The Delightful David Lynch

Watching him talk about the making of Eraserhead was better than the actual film (which gave me nightmares). (That poor, poor baby.)

David Lynch and Catherine Coulson (aka, The Log Lady from Twin Peaks) remembered how they'd done things over six years to create this weird world.

I loved the way they remembered the money struggles so cheerfully. It must have been bad (Lynch was actually living in the "Henry's room" set for a couple of years - scary!!!).

Yet they remembered people and institutions with fondness (not a bad word was said about anyone). They focused on fun they had creating things, the friendships with cast and crew and long ago eaten donuts and pie.

Is there something you wish you had a bigger budget for right now? (Marketing your business? New clothes? Raising a family?)

How can you have more fun with the enforced creativity smaller budgets demand?

(C) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

Running in Heels - the importance of a positive attitude

I don't normally watch reality TV but am addicted (www.runninginheels.tv) to this. It follows three fashion interns at US Marie Claire.

I encourage my coaching clients to do whatever helps them feel better about themselves so they make bigger impacts when it comes to tackling larger goals. The good, positive, resourceful feelings have a ripple effect.

Research shows that people who feel happy are better at reading people, better at negotiating pay rises and better at spotting opportunities.

And, they get to feel happy, too.

One of the RiH interns is the opposite. Since the first day, almost every shot she's in shows her complaining about the other interns, whinging about her assignments, trying to make things harder for the other interns (by not sharing the odd opportunity) and generally being miserable.

It's possible that they've edited out all her little ray of sunshine moments but I'm finding her the hardest intern to sympathise with.

I wonder if the producers randomly picked one intern to give a worse first assignment to see what would happen.

But it's hard to watch her obsessing about her bad fortune. If she just focused on what she was meant to be doing instead of, e.g. postponing starting her assignment because she's eaten up with jealousy about another intern's (dodgy) approach, she'd prove herself more. It's not life or death stuff. But you can see, to her, it feels like it and it's eating her up.

If you're in a similar situation, thinking about the unfairness of your particular situation rather than marshalling your resources and getting out of it (or asking for help so the kind people around you can offer their support) think about what you can do, right now, to change your mind set.

What helps you feel better instantly? (Listening to a great song? Dancing around for a few minutes? A short run? A little yoga? A cartwheel? Watching or reading a little comedy?)

Even if you don't have room for any of this (at your desk at work, for example), you can take a moment to focus on your breath. This will instantly change your state and help you feel beter.

As your mood improves, you'll be better able to think of ways to ace that next assignment / make amends for that row or whatever has you feeling down.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

Enjoying the sunshine

It's been such a beautiful day here.

I had a meeting this afternoon but we were able to sit outside (boosting our Vitamin D) as we worked and chatted.

I find it much easier to let go of irritations on days like today (which is good as my computer crashed and I could list several other annoyances but even contemplating them puts me in a bad mood).

This reminds me how important it is to focus on the positives.

I love the rain, too, but somehow, all the blue skies and white clouds I saw cycling from meeting to meeting makes everything seem much brighter.

What did you enjoy most about today? Ask yourself this simple question everyday and notice the shift...

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

Perfectly imperfect relationships

I spent the weekend with a roomfull of psychotherapists learning more about couples' counselling for a feature I'm working on. Juliet Grayson was the trainer.

It was brilliant to learn more techniques I can use when I do coaching and NLP with couples.

I've also learned how I can improve my own relationships.

And I've (possibly just temporarily - I don't want to get carried away) taken some of the pressure off myself about trying to be a perfect coach, journalist / writer and psychosynthesis trainee.

In my head (yes, I realise how ridiculous this sounds), I'd been kind of hoping that by the time I got to the end of my training, I'd find all the things I'm happy helping clients with but hate doing myself (e.g. setting boundaries, asserting myself and so on) a breeze.

It's good to be reminded that no relationship is perfect. Perfection doesn't exist.

We just muddle through as best as we can and aim to be more loving and peaceful in all our interactions.

But when things come up that need addressing, it can get messy and that's absolutely fine. It's absolutely normal.

So whatever issues you're worried about in your own relationships - including the way you see yourself - give yourself a break and relax.

Be kind to yourself when you feel vulnerable. This will have a ripple effect on all your interactions and relationships.

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

More tweeting

I've been drafting and deleting tweets since signing up.

It feels bizarre to be inviting people to "follow" me.

Still, I've figured out how to add the little tools to my websites and hope it will all get easier as I become less self conscious about it.

Makes me think about other areas of my life. How much time and energy do I spend trying to censor myself?

Do you do the same?

What would happen if you said what you felt like saying when you wanted to?

What are you worried about happening?

Guilt free self care

I was feeling a bit run down last week so booked a hot stone massage for this evening. Now, having had a long weekend mainly off work, I'm arguing with myself about it.

I won't cancel but need to get rid of the guilt I feel about taking an hour (including the bike ride there and back) out when I have so much work to do.

Still, I know that I'll get much more done as a result...

Logically, I know (studies prove it again and again) that the best thing I can do for all areas of my life is to take some time out now and again to recharge.

So why such high resistance when it comes to actually doing it?

What kind of things (massage / exercise / meditation / daydreaming?) make you feel better?

Do you feel guilty about scheduling them in?

Cheryl Richardson, one of my favourite authors, calls it Extreme Self Care.

What can you start todya doing to put your own wellbeing higher on your list of priorities?

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.

Tweet tweet

I've just joined Twitter.

Am in the early stages of figuring out how to use it but do feel free to find me (AppleEve) if you'd like to know when blog, website, newsletter and other updates are available.

And if you're tweeting or have some recommendations for me, I'd love to find out more.

And you've won, too!!

I tape Ellen (along with Oprah and Rachael Ray) everyday.

While I often don't watch them, I like to see who's on.

Ellen makes me laugh so much I usually watch the first little bit with her comedy and her dance. And even though I never normally game show type programmes, I've stopped fastforwarding through her games.

They're the most ridiculous games ever (blindfold musical chairs / awww snap etc.) and to see a 50 year old woman finding them hilarious is, well, hilarious.

What makes me laugh most of all is the fact that the contestants (all grown women) play so hard. They get really competitive.

Yet for as long as I've been watching (the last few weeks), Ellen gives the same prize for second place and sometimes to her audience, too.

I can't imagine people at an office all putting in the same level of effort if they knew no matter what, everyone would earn the same.

But for the sake of bringing more fun into your life, can you think of ways to laugh more each day?

To put your heart and soul into the effort of something (even if the prize isn't really worth it or you'd get the same prize without the effort)?

Personally, I think Ellen likes to reward the contestants' joyful attitudes. I think if someone went through the motions, first place would win a prize but second prize would feel like losing.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.

Resilience and a positive attitude

I'm still feeling quite tearful after seeing Michael J Fox on Rachael Ray.

There's a lot of debate at the moment around luck and talent, mainly about people (understandably) feeling helpless and fearful about redundancies and opportunities.

But Michael has turned what most might see as a very negative situation into inspiration.

Not only for people dealing with Parkinson's but other chronic illnesses, job loss and any kind of adversity.

His bravery is astonishing.

He has kept his sense of humour but is also clearly serious about finding a cure.

No matter how demanding some of my clients might be, I can't imagine how his CEOs at http://www.michaeljfox.org/ feel - he says everytime he sees them, he asks "How's that cure coming?" Pressure!

But also, motivation...

Whatever your situation, research shows that people with a positive attitude are more likely to notice opportunities.

Neuroscience shows that we're better at negotiating when we feel positive, too.

But we're human.

And it wouldn't be natural to bounce back instantaneously - whether from rejection at an audition to losing a job you've held for decades or having a terrifying health diagnosis.

Michael says he kept his own diagnosis quiet for 7 years but when he came out about it, he realised that he was part of a community. He'd been missing out on support but probably wasn't ready to do it any sooner than he did.

Now, though, he says he doesn't have to lecture his kids about things like resilience as he demonstrates these essential qualities by example, on a daily basis.

Don't try to suppress natural reactions like sadness, shock and fear. Be gentle with yourself - whatever you're going through.

And don't be afraid to reach out for support from friends, family, online forums, your GP or whoever might be able to help you.

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.

Who can sponsor you?

I heard about a couple of women (on Rachael Ray's show) who lost hundreds of pounds by asking their friends and families to sponsor them.

Not in a financial way but for general support. Some helped them by exercising with them, others helped them eat better. One offered to shave his head when she reached a certain weight, another to buy her a dress. Another friend offered a free haircut and so on.

The point is, these women got their loved ones on board.

It's not just about weight loss. Whatever your goal (to write a book / run a marathon / retrain for a new profession / clear debt or save up for something), allow your loved ones to help you get there.

Whether it's encouraging phone calls or practical support, they'll keep you accountable. And when you feel loved and supported, you'll be able to push that much harder...

© Eve Menezes Cunningham / http://www.applecoaching.com/ 2009.

Accessing support wherever you can

I was delighted (and slightly mortified) that some of my favourite jokes were included in a recent piece I wrote for Rapport about the health benefits of laughter:

http://www.articlesbyevemenezescunningham.co.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/rapportapositiveapproachtoyourhealth.pdf

They are especially bad but never fail to amuse me. I forwarded the piece onto a friend who shares my sense of humour (we've often joked about how hilarious - for us, as opposed to audiences - it would be if we did a comedy tour) and even showed my mum.

Her instant reaction? "Oh God, you're not serious!"

But generally, she's very supportive. Who in your life shows support no matter what you're doing?

I've been talking to several people recently who find their biggest achievements ignored by nearest and dearest while things they can do in their sleep are feted.

Pay attention to the support you're getting. Is it right for you? How can you be more supportive of your loved ones, too?

You can read other wellbeing and personal development related features at www.articlesbyevemenezescunningham.co.uk

(c) Eve Menezes Cunningham / www.applecoaching.com 2009.